The moment I found out that you found out, I acted swiftly

I am every bit as angry as you are. I am every bit as disappointed as you must be. The people with power, oversight and the ability to do something about these processes within the Labour Party should be ashamed [...]

Police will have to wear silly Buckingham Palace hats from now on, says Police Minister

In a move that comes seemingly out of nowhere, Police Minister Stuart Nash announced this afternoon that he expects all frontline staff to don bearskin hats, famously [...]

Other News

By Simon Bridges.

Let me explain what I meant by Everyday New Zealanders

The following is a press release from the office of Simon Bridges, leader of The National Party. Key ora, New Zealand. Happy Maori Language Week. Look, I’m writing to you today because I want to clear something up. There’s been a lot of kerfuffle around some things that I said […]

An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow.

Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore

Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into its journey, due to a general consensus that passengers didn’t want to go anymore. It was initially assumed that flight NZ2 had returned due to an engineering issue, […]

Here's another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand

Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump

Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, had its brand new creation leaked this afternoon after a hastily-photoshopped […]

Māori Language Week with The Civilian

Māori Language Week with The Civilian

Kia ora, Aotearoa. It’s that magical time of year. Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. In English, the week that frightens talk radio. As you probably know by now, all your favourite media outlets are participating, some more successfully than others. Stuff has changed its name to Puna for the […]

Air New Zealand couldn't believe its luck that this seemingly ideal piece of real estate had so far gone entirely unnoticed.

Air New Zealand identifies this enormous plot of unused land as possible second airport site

Air New Zealand’s search for a site to build a second Auckland Airport may have made a breakthrough this afternoon, after employees scanning Google satellite imagery spotted a huge, unused piece of land near the existing airport that they believe would be “perfect” for another one. “This piece of land […]

Gayford, pictured here on The Project, before things got wildly out of control.

Ardern attempts to vaccinate Clarke Gayford live on television to prove that it’s safe

A bold public relations move by the Government to encourage parents to vaccinate their children has gone horribly wrong. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern appeared on tonight’s episode of Three’s The Project, where the plan was for her to personally vaccinate her widely beloved fisherman-come-partner Clarke Gayford. Public relations consultants in […]