Prime Minister assassinated, nuclear bomb detonated; no one notices because cricket

The Prime Minister is dead and the Syrian city of Damascus is aflame tonight, though neither of these developments have yet been covered by media, as journalists gorge themselves on Australia’s national game of paddle-ball. The paddle-ball [...]

Girl who wanted tea break will have plenty of time to eat when fired

A 20-year-old girl who has threatened not to obey retail store Cotton On’s proposed new “no tea breaks” policy won’t have to worry about having time to eat, says the company, as she’ll soon be fired. Nellie Summers, who has worked [...]

Other News

Winston Peters has yet to decide where he will put the bridge if elected, but says he is “fully capable” of constructing at least one more.

Winston Peters’ hand-made Lego bridge probably won’t suffice, say Northlanders

A brand new Lego bridge for Northland hand-made by New Zealand First leader and candidate Winston Peters will probably not be quite the same as what the Government is offering, say Northland residents. A poll of 2,000 Northlanders from Cape Reinga to Wellsford has found that 78% of likely voters […]

Today’s news has only emboldened those who believe in a conspiracy surrounding recent events on the show, as Natalie Bassingthwaighte is clearly not a real name.

New X Factor judges somehow even less famous than previous X Factor judges

The two new judges chosen to replace Natalia Kills and the other one on TV3’s hit new season of popular drama X Factor, have been revealed to be somehow even less famous than their predecessors. Those selected, some guy and the very popular some girl, were chosen for their qualities […]

The accused appeared in court today “pretty chuffed” with his surprisingly accurate uppercut to a bartender’s jaw.

Man charged with ‘decent assault’ on other man following fist fight

An Invercargill man has appeared in court today, charged with what a judge described as “pretty decent assault,” in which the victim received a “right good walloping.” Police say there is substantial evidence to suggest the man gave his victim – a bartender with which he engaged in a verbal, […]

Willy Moon costumes from Hallensteins come in a variety of different colours and styles.

Hallensteins gears up for annual Willy Moon costume sale

Hallensteins clothing stores around the country are gearing up this week for their now-iconic annual sale of Willy Moon costumes. The costumes, which are usually prohibitively expensive for those on a tight budget, are sold for as low as $100 during the sale, which attracts thousands of buyers every year. […]

Civil Defence warns that even if this chair is returned to its upright position, it may be irreparably slightly chipped.

New Zealanders too busy putting chairs back up to help Vanuatu

Prime Minister John Key said today that he did “not expect” New Zealanders would be “rushing out” to help Vanuatu recover from Tropical Cyclone Pam, as their “first thoughts” would be with their deck chairs at home that are in desperate need of putting back up. “Obviously, our thoughts go […]

Pictured: the moment Willy Moon realised contestants had not been writing their own music.

Natalia Kills, Willy Moon horrified to learn contestants have been singing other peoples’ songs

X Factor husband and wife judging duo, Natalia Kills and Willy Moon, have walked off the show today after learning that “numerous contestants” had not been singing their own music, but in fact songs they had copied from influential popular artists. While it was common knowledge to many that contestants […]