EMBARRASSING: Winning Melbourne Cup horse just ran around in a big circle like some kind of idiot

It’s been revealed today that Melbourne Cup winner Cross Counter only won the race by running around in a circle like some [...]

Nation to begin process of hiding Palmerston North for Harry and Meghan visit

New Zealand will tomorrow begin its traditional process of hiding the city of Palmerston North in advance of a royal visit. On Sunday, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex [...]

Other News

Opinion: All of this is why I chose not to have any other MPs

Opinion: All of this is why I chose not to have any other MPs

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. I say “hi” four times so each of you get your own greeting. Everyone deserves their own “hi.” That’s why in an ACT government, we’ll be promoting our Legal Hi Bill. Everyone deserves a legal hi. Over the past four years, many New Zealanders have asked […]

Former Governor General Jerry Mateparae, pictured here during an early valuation of National MP Maureen Pugh

How many Maureen Pughs is one Chinese worth?

Yesterday former National MP Jami-Lee Ross released an explosive recording in which opposition leader Simon Bridges described one of his MPs, Maureen Pugh, as “fucking useless.” Bridges and Ross also discussed how two Chinese MPs were apparently worth more than two Indian MPs, and so we thought it was only […]

Opinion: Honestly, I am fucking useless

Opinion: Honestly, I am fucking useless

Simon was right. I am fucking useless. I’m not ashamed of it. I never have been. In fact, that’s why I became an MP. I became an MP because I wanted to represent you, the people of West Coast-Tasman, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re useless. […]

Judith Collins loses all control of host body

Judith Collins loses all control of host body

National MP Judith Collins is said to be panicking after her mind lost all control of one of its host bodies in the late hours of this morning. The body, apparently accelerating its programming by several years, went on a 50-minute press conference rampage, accusing leader Simon Bridges of everything […]

On the left is one thing we're talking about. On the right is another thing we're talking about. You see them here juxtaposed. You are now informed.

Just how much of the $2 billion Kiwibuild fund has Phil Twyford spent on Fortnite?

One Auckland mother is reportedly furious and distraught after finding her finances several million dollars short due to purchases in the video game Fortnite by one of her ministers. The minister, 55-year-old Phil, has reportedly racked up untold numbers of cosmetic purchases on the mother’s account without her knowledge, and […]

Water Whirler doubles in value after beaning titanic douchemonger

Water Whirler doubles in value after beaning titanic douchemonger

The Wellington man who broke the Len Lye Water Whirler sculpture may be relieved today after a report revealed that his antics on the waterfront art piece have actually doubled its value, an increase largely attributed to the whirler’s violent crowning of its assailant. A panel of experts assessed the […]