Prime Minister John Key announces there will be no capital gains tax

Prime Minister John Key had just spent the last two hours making phone calls and preparing the final touches to his capital gains announcement. The clock had just passed 2pm, and he was [...]

Kid on swing embodies Kiwi dream by going back and forth and never getting anywhere

Some fucking kid has sat on a swing for 32 hours and inspired hope in a nation otherwise desperate for a hero. Hate runs rampant, political consensus [...]

Other News

The Big Short is a 2015 movie that experimented with telling audiences what was going on instead of putting it on screen.

Tax Working Group recommends The Big Short

In a bizarre move apparently outside their mandate, the Tax Working Group tasked with recommending important tax reforms has recommended 2015 movie The Big Short. “VERY INTERESTING” read the final report. “FUNNY BUT REAL DEEP AND EDUCATIONAL. REALLY TEACHES YOU ABOUT BAD MONEY PEOPLE.” “It’s very interesting,” said Michael Cullen, […]

The Government has moved swiftly to reassure kiwis they won't have to pay capital gains on family homes like these.

RELIEF: New Zealand businesses won’t have to pay capital gains on these family homes

Businesses across New Zealand are welcoming the recommendations of the Government’s Tax Working Group this evening, saying they’re pleased that initial indications seem to be that they won’t have to pay capital gains on any of their 40-storey, 120-bedroom, sometimes floating family homes. From Fonterra to 2degrees to Foodstuffs, CEOs […]

What a stupid animal.

EMBARRASSING: Winning Melbourne Cup horse just ran around in a big circle like some kind of idiot

It’s been revealed today that Melbourne Cup winner Cross Counter only won the race by running around in a circle like some big, dumb, horse-faced idiot. Counter, 3, was hailed by the excited crowd as he crossed the finish line. But a close examination of race footage shows that although […]

Kiwis could be fined up to $7,000 just for mentioning Palmerston North.

Nation to begin process of hiding Palmerston North for Harry and Meghan visit

New Zealand will tomorrow begin its traditional process of hiding the city of Palmerston North in advance of a royal visit. On Sunday, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, will arrive in New Zealand with his newlywed wife Meghan Markle, who is by an incredible coincidence the Duchess of Sussex. A […]

Opinion: All of this is why I chose not to have any other MPs

Opinion: All of this is why I chose not to have any other MPs

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. I say “hi” four times so each of you get your own greeting. Everyone deserves their own “hi.” That’s why in an ACT government, we’ll be promoting our Legal Hi Bill. Everyone deserves a legal hi. Over the past four years, many New Zealanders have asked […]

Former Governor General Jerry Mateparae, pictured here during an early valuation of National MP Maureen Pugh

How many Maureen Pughs is one Chinese worth?

Yesterday former National MP Jami-Lee Ross released an explosive recording in which opposition leader Simon Bridges described one of his MPs, Maureen Pugh, as “fucking useless.” Bridges and Ross also discussed how two Chinese MPs were apparently worth more than two Indian MPs, and so we thought it was only […]