Trump Middle East peace plan derailed after discovering Israel already has a wall

An announcement about President Donald Trump’s Middle East peace proposal has been indefinitely postponed after he discovered that Israel already has a wall. The proposal, which the President himself purportedly spent all [...]

Uh oh! Team NZ setback: What they’ve built isn’t even a boat

Emirates Team New Zealand have had to acknowledge a massive setback today, as it’s revealed the watercraft they’ve built for this year’s America’s cup isn’t even actually a boat. With just a week to go until the start [...]

Other News

National election ad where Bill English defeats Andrew Little in climactic rap battle ‘just a massive coincidence’

National election ad where Bill English defeats Andrew Little in climactic rap battle ‘just a massive coincidence’

A National Party web advertisement that depicts Prime Minister Bill English as he grows up in a caravan with his single mother and eventually defeats Labour leader Andrew Little in a climactic rap battle that puts him on the path to fame is being defended as “merely a coincidence” by […]

Infected users are beginning to panic this evening as English appears unwilling to disclose exactly what is in the pizza, or where the uphill bits are.

Ransomware virus will only unlock users’ computers if Bill English hands over secret family pizza recipe

Many of the nation’s businesses are at a standstill this evening as a ransomware virus that locks users out of their computers rapidly spreads across the country. The virus, named WannaPiece, encrypts users’ files so they can’t be accessed, and threatens not to decrypt them unless Prime Minister Bill English […]

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

Five things you didn’t know about bananas because they aren’t true

The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know! We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta. Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better. […]

FULL TEXT: President Trump’s dismissal letter to FBI Director James Comey

FULL TEXT: President Trump’s dismissal letter to FBI Director James Comey

Dear Director Comey, I have received the attached letters from the Attorney General – who was a fantastic appointment and very well praised, by, I think, everybody – and Deputy Attorney General of the United States recommending your dismissal as the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I have […]

Jacob Turnbull says he’s mentally ill and has killed countless other children, but the boy’s family say he doesn’t need to play down his heroic actions.

“I’m no hero,” says man who bravely rescued drowning boy so he could harvest his organs

A man who rescued a drowning boy on Wednesday is humbly claiming he isn’t a hero, saying he only saved the boy to brutally harvest his organs for use in some kind of sick breeding machine. But the boy’s parents are pushing back, saying the man is just “being modest,” […]

1921 – 2017 or thereabouts.

We’re just going to go ahead and report that Prince Philip is dead because it’ll be true soon enough anyway

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, husband of the Queen, and member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg has passed away this morning at age 95. And if he hasn’t, that’ll be true soon enough anyway, so just bookmark this page and pull it back up when that happens. Philip reportedly suffered […]