20.9% of country thrilled

The 20.9% of New Zealanders that voted for Bill English to be Prime Minister in 2002 are finally set to see their dreams become a reality, as he accidentally stumbles his way into office on Monday. The other two leadership contenders, Jonathan Coleman and the voice of darkness that haunts children in their nightmares [...]

Bill English celebrated last night by using twice the amount of Listerine he usually does

Incoming Prime Minister Bill English celebrated his ascension to the highest office in the land last night by [...]

Other News

Uh oh! Has John Key given nearly enough thought to hiding his browsing habits from his successors?

Careless? John Key left himself just one week to clear the browser history from all his Beehive computers

Whoops! John Key might be regretting this one. If his resignation as leader of New Zealand seemed to be going too smoothly, something’s cropped up to put a real spanner in the works now. Sources close to the Prime Minister think he’s failed to account for how long it might […]

Journalists suspect Jonathan Coleman has been hanging around at the opposite end of the hallway just to waste their time.

New Zealanders revelling in exciting week of live stream shots of hallways

New Zealanders around the country are savouring the chance this week to partake in one of the great joys of the Westminster political system; leadership bouts that consist of staring down hallways for hours on end waiting for someone to come down them and say something disappointing. As Bill English, […]

Watch out John Key: these two did even better, staying wealthy their whole lives!

English and Coleman’s inspiring stories: how they came from money and stayed there

John Key doesn’t just leave behind the legacy of New Zealand’s most popular Prime Minister; he also leaves the legacy of a boy who grew up in a state house, with relatively little, and climbed all the way to the top. It’s an inspiring story, and a hard act to […]

English wanted to clarify with reporters he was an “interesting guy” who “likes sports.”

Bill English has yet to make a decision on leadership bid; has to talk it over with his pot plants

Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister Bill English has yet to make a decision this evening on whether he’ll seek his party’s support to become Prime Minister of New Zealand. In a press conference at Parliament this afternoon, he said he would need some time to think on it, and […]

The Prime Minister did take questions from the press pool, so long as they were about fishing, rugby, and his Viagra usage.

John Key makes shock decision to resign in middle of the day, rather than at the end of the day

Prime Minister John Key has shocked the entire nation today, by ending his political career at a time of the day he is deeply unfamiliar with. Key, who normally likes things to become elucidated at the end of the day, took the unusual step of making everything fairly clear in […]

New York Police wish to speak to anyone who may have information about the man in the red circle.

Have you seen this man? Last picture taken of Mitt Romney may hold clues to his whereabouts

Police are appealing to the public for help with an investigation into the disappearance of one Willard Mitt Romney, aged 69, who was last pictured having dinner with an unidentified man several days ago. In the picture, the man is seen enticing the vulnerable 69-year-old with a big glass of […]