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1pm Covid Health Update for 17th October, 2020

1pmcovidupdatefeatureWhat follows is today’s 1pm health update from the Ministry of Health

There are 12 new cases of Covid-19 today, six in managed isolation, three escaped, and three are wealthy foreigners so it’s fine.

One of these cases is a man in his 50s who visited Auckland sex club Fisting World at 3:22am on Thursday. He engaged in sexual activity with a woman named Sharron, before returning home to his wife Judy and four children, Samantha, Chloe, Jacob and Gregory.

Sharron, Judy, Samantha, Chloe, Jacob and Gregory are all advised to visit their local GP, the Ministry of Health, or the sex club to receive a Covid test.

Director General of Health Dr. Ashley Bloomfield said he was “very confident” that the Fisting World cluster had been, or would be, contained only to the premises, the man’s family home, or the wider local community.

“Or the North Island,” he added. “After that, there’s a lot of sea.”

Of today’s cases, five are confirmed, three are probable, one improbable, and three of the cases may be only one case in a big trench coat.

Bloomfield would not be drawn on whether the virus is transmissible in your dreams.

If in doubt, wear a mask to bed.

Dr. Bloomfield concluded his briefing by saying there was something else “of monumental significance” to report, but he could not disclose it as it would “definitely” influence the election.

Asked if that meant it was bad news, Bloomfield said “not necessarily.”

“It could, in fact, be excellent news. So it could either be, you know, really just terrible news, the worst news you could imagine, or it could be tremendous news, just the best possible outcome. Or it could be the most neutral possible news you could fathom. We just can’t say what at this hour, but it would definitely influence you.”