Awkward misunderstanding after AC/DC drummer says band needs ‘two hits’

Despite their mistake, police feel justified in taking “extraordinary measures” to prevent another AC/DC song reaching music charts.

Despite their mistake, police feel justified in taking “extraordinary measures” to prevent another AC/DC song reaching music charts.

Police are relieved today after discovering that when AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd said, in a private conversation, that he wanted “two hits,” he was not, in fact, referring to musical hits, but rather wanted only to purchase the assassination of two people.

At a press conference this afternoon, Mount Maunganui detective senior sergeant Daryl Brazier clarified the misunderstanding, announcing that any charges pertaining to “acquiring hits” would be dropped, due to a “lack of public interest” in pursuing something “frivolous.”

“It is with great relief that I am able to announce to the public this afternoon, that what appeared to be an elaborate plan to see AC/DC return to radio play and potentially New Zealand’s Top 40, was in fact nothing more than a carefully organised plot to murder two innocent human beings,” said Brazier.

“While we regret our error in this case, it is my belief that it is important for police to take seriously any possibility that AC/DC may seek to distribute music beyond a small subset of people who have made their own choice to hear it.

“We would like to apologise to anyone who was frightened or alarmed by this prospect. We can now say with some confidence it is unlikely there will be any AC/DC hits the near, or distant, future.”

Rudd, who is still facing charges of AC/DC album possession and indecent exposure of AC/DC to young children, said through a lawyer that the police’s mistake was “in some ways understandable” and “a little bit funny, when you think about it.”

He did, however, take issue with the “hasty” response of authorities, and lamented that the mistake had set his murder plots back by “potentially two to three weeks,” for which he would be seeking some compensation.

Asked whether police were concerned about Rudd’s murder plots, Brazier seemed indifferent, saying that, whatever people may think of Rudd’s private hobbies, it was “good he’s doing something with himself, instead of being out there on the streets, making music.”