Bill English held a press conference to say he hates everyone but electoral law made it illegal to report until now

 The Prime Minister hates us but we voted for him anyway.


The Prime Minister hates us but we voted for him anyway.

Prime Minister Bill English held a press conference at 1pm this afternoon to tell all New Zealanders that he hates them, and that he can’t stand their “stupid fucking faces.”

But due to electoral law – which doesn’t permit the publishing of any politically influential content between midnight and 7pm on election day – this press conference was not able to be reported until now, after polls have closed.

English, apparently aware of this, said he just felt it was a good opportunity to “get this out there.”

“By the time you hear me say these words,” he said, “it will already be too late. You’ve voted for me, so tough, but I hate you, I hate you and your stupid children and your stupid dog.

“Every time I got back on the campaign bus, I smelled of dog. I hate you.”

“Please stop tooting at the bus,” he added. “It is the only time I get to sleep.”

English said he didn’t mean “any” of his election promises and “you’ll all have to just deal.”