Bob Parker contemplating return to space

Reptilian Bob Parker, seen here controlling the mind of his human wife Jo, has doubts about his ability to win another election with his powers of mass hypnosis.

Reptilian Bob Parker, seen here controlling the mind of his human wife Jo, has doubts about his ability to win another election with his powers of mass hypnosis.

Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker is contemplating a return to outer space today as Labour MP Lianne Dalziel announces plans to challenge him for the mayoralty.

Parker, who arrived on Earth in 2007, ran for mayor that same year and won by more than 10,000 votes. He later successfully won re-election after the first Christchurch Earthquake in 2010, and has presided over the city ever since.

With another round of local body elections approaching toward the end of this year, Parker had plans to run for a third term. But after Dalziel expressed her intentions to challenge him over the weekend, insiders say he is now reconsidering.

Dalziel is believed to be in a strong position, and while many in the mayor’s camp believe that he could pull out a win by utilizing his ability to drain human brain fluids, Parker reportedly wonders whether it would just be better to pack it in and begin the long voyage back to his home planet.

“It’s a really tough decision for Bob,” said one council worker who wished not to be identified. “Make no mistake; he’d love to continue ruling over a dreary, shattered dystopian hellscape. It’s been a dream come true for him. But I think he’s worried that he’s no longer potent enough. Nothing has really worked for him in the last few years. It’s the television. He hasn’t been on television, and that’s what he really needs. He needs to be able to look into the eyes of his fellow Cantabrians and say ‘Look, I know I’m not perfect, but lakta alagubalan dakataka se nata.’ That’s what people really want to hear.”

A reptilian transport device that may take Bob Parker back to his ship later this year.

A reptilian transport device that may take Bob Parker back to his ship as early as this October.

But those aren’t the only problems the mayor will encounter if he decides to seek re-election. Over the course of his second term, Parker has faced numerous controversies – including a pay rise for council chief executive Tony Marryatt, questions over his handling of the council’s relationship with the Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Authority, and one incident when he went too near a child – all of which are set to work in Dalziel’s favour.

Meanwhile, Auckland Mayor Len Brown is considering whether he will contest his own re-election, wondering whether he should instead retire and begin the long journey back to his house on the other side of the city.