Whoops! John Key might be regretting this one.
If his resignation as leader of New Zealand seemed to be going too smoothly, something’s cropped up to put a real spanner in the works now.
Sources close to the Prime Minister think he’s failed to account for how long it might take to discreetly remove all the browser history from his many Beehive computers.
“John has a lot of computers,” said the Prime Minister’s Chief of Staff, Wayne Eagleson. “Upwards of 10, really, and you’d be surprised how long it could take to clear all of that without anyone noticing.”
“The thing is,” he explained, “you don’t want anyone to see you doing it, because A) They might see something that’s in there, and B) The mere fact of them seeing you clear your browser history implies you’re some kind of pervert, which of course, we all are.”
Eagleson said that a lot of people frequented the ninth floor of the Beehive, and getting around them all for the amount of time needed could prove extremely difficult in the less than one week Key has left.
“You could come in here at 3am, but someone would know that, and then it’s like, why are you in here at 3am? It’s all very dicey.
“Add to that the fact you don’t just want to clear one browser’s history, you have to make sure all your browsers are clear, and then check through all your folders, not just the ones where you think there might be something, but literally all of them; you never know where you’ve hidden something and then forgotten it.
“If you’re particularly clever, you would’ve hidden it somewhere even you wouldn’t think of years later. The system files, or something.”
Asked if he thought Key had made a dangerous mistake, he replied “Yes, I do.”
He suggested that Key – and others who might be listening – take the time not to simply clear the browsing history in its entirety, but “maybe delete individual items so that people can still see the above-board stuff you’ve looked at it,” as they might then remain under the impression that you’re a good person.