All the news that's fit on a page 
The nation’s major petrol providers are trying to allay customer fears over prices, promising that they’ll move to lower them again “immediately” when the Middle East is returned to its formerly peaceful state. Prices were raised by companies nationwide this week to the tune of about 6 cents, after a […]
Air New Zealand’s search for a site to build a second Auckland Airport may have made a breakthrough this afternoon, after employees scanning Google satellite imagery spotted a huge, unused piece of land near the existing airport that they believe would be “perfect” for another one. “This piece of land […]
Residents in major centres around the country are becoming disgruntled by the increasingly aggressive actions of purported ice cream company Mr. Whippy, who have taken to parking on people’s front lawns and doorsteps in a desperate attempt to sell $7 watered down soft serve. Mr. Whippy is facing a series […]
Starting from next week, customers will no longer need a car to purchase petrol directly from the pump, a development that two major fuel providers are billing as an opportunity to help fight climate change. Fuel companies BP and Z Energy are suggesting that the best way environmentally conscious Kiwis […]
Yesterday former National MP Jami-Lee Ross released an explosive recording in which opposition leader Simon Bridges described one of his MPs, Maureen Pugh, as “fucking useless.” Bridges and Ross also discussed how two Chinese MPs were apparently worth more than two Indian MPs, and so we thought it was only […]
A pair of children aged 8 and 10 have been told by their single parent father there won’t be any Christmas presents this year because Santa Claus’s WINZ cheque failed to come through after he was found to have defrauded the government agency. Martin Bollard broke the news to his […]