All the news that's fit on a page 
What follows is today’s 1pm health update from the Ministry of Health There are 12 new cases of Covid-19 today, six in managed isolation, three escaped, and three are wealthy foreigners so it’s fine. One of these cases is a man in his 50s who visited Auckland sex club Fisting […]
Well, it looks like it’s here. The most anticipated disease of the decade has reached our shores, and New Zealanders couldn’t be more excited. Indeed, nothing says excitement like flocking to the supermarket to purchase up the nation’s supply of toilet paper. Some may laugh at you for doing this, […]
Australian fruit brands affected by the recent spate of needles found in their strawberries are attempting to win back customers by promising that items found in their fruit will be “much more fun” from now on, and while there was still an unfortunate risk that you might find a needle […]
Three days have passed since Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern was due to give birth to the greatest baby known to have ever been born in these parts, and as the hours drag on with no news, fears are beginning to emerge that it may never be born. Medical experts contacted […]
Pregnant Auckland women due to give birth this weekend are excited at the possibility that their baby may be accidentally switched with the Prime Minister’s in a routine hospital mix-up. The birth of Jacinda Ardern and Clarke Gayford’s first known child has raised an exciting opportunity for couples who conceived […]
The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know! We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta. Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better. […]