Health & Well-being

Strawberries have traditionally contained more strawberry.

Australian fruit brands promise items found in strawberries will be ‘more fun’ from now on

Australian fruit brands affected by the recent spate of needles found in their strawberries are attempting to win back customers by promising that items found in their fruit will be “much more fun” from now on, and while there was still an unfortunate risk that you might find a needle […]

Doctors say if the baby hasn't arrived at the end of the week, it probably won't.

As nation waits for baby, medical experts say it might just stay in there forever

Three days have passed since Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern was due to give birth to the greatest baby known to have ever been born in these parts, and as the hours drag on with no news, fears are beginning to emerge that it may never be born. Medical experts contacted […]

Pregnant women all around Auckland are crossing their fingers and hoping to experience the great miracle of medical malpractice

Pregnant Auckland women hopeful their babies will be accidentally switched with the Prime Minister’s

Pregnant Auckland women due to give birth this weekend are excited at the possibility that their baby may be accidentally switched with the Prime Minister’s in a routine hospital mix-up. The birth of Jacinda Ardern and Clarke Gayford’s first known child has raised an exciting opportunity for couples who conceived […]

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

Five things you didn’t know about bananas because they aren’t true

The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know! We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta. Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better. […]

Last year, the average New Zealander began preloading for New Year’s Even in mid July.

Wellington man wonders whether he might as well just start preloading for New Year’s right now

Given the current state of his personal and financial affairs, and the growing certainty that nothing of note will happen between now and 2018, one Wellington man is beginning to wonder whether Saint Patrick’s Day is the perfect opportunity to just start preloading for New Year’s Eve right now. “It […]

An ancient Aztec health shop owner dispenses patented health foods to his well-nourished customers.

All natural: how the ancient Aztecs drank chia seed smoothies from their local wankshop

At this time of year, many of us are feeling the need to improve our diet following a long summer of binge drinking, overeating, drinking again in the morning to avoid a hangover, and waking up shitfaced in the middle of the road next to a dead animal of a […]