National

Journalists are being treated with snacks, WiFi, and reachable power outlets.

Hundreds of journalists rushed to hospital following major incident

Several hundred journalists are in Auckland Hospital today following a major incident in the city. The journalists were admitted to the hospital early this morning, wearing tags and barcodes to identify them, as staff were overwhelmed by their arrival. It as yet unclear what has happened, but one nurse spoken […]

The bees are reportedly “not calm, not calm at all.”

Due to nationwide shortage of buzzy bee toys, New Plymouth sends Prime Minister actual bees

Sort-of-but-not-technically-husband to the Prime Minister Clarke Gayford has confirmed that he and Jacinda Ardern have received a “lovely” gift to the tune of some 600 live bees from the town of New Plymouth. The bees were sent to the Prime Minister as a gift for the arrival of her baby, […]

PICTURED: Crude oil from Simon Bridges' scalp fills Wellington's harbour.

Oil from Simon Bridges’ hair causes horrific spill in Oriental Bay

A state of emergency has been declared in Wellington this morning, after a leak in the hairline of National Party leadership contender Simon Bridges resulted in a spillage of close to fifty tonnes of crude oil into Oriental Bay and the surrounding harbour region. Preliminary assessments have blamed the spill […]

Children were left in tears and parents baffled as nobody from Emirates Team New Zealand played Santa in the victory parade.

Peter Burling ruined parade by refusing to dress as Santa, say parents

Yesterday’s America’s Cup parade in Auckland is drawing intense scrutiny today, as parents who attended say it was “completely ruined” by Helmsman Peter Burling’s refusal to dress as Santa Claus. “Disgraceful, really,” said Dylan Greysome, who weathered the wind and rain to bring his children to the parade. “Honestly put […]

Civil Aviation Authorities are finding it difficult to believe Air New Zealand’s explanation that people have simply chosen to fly to Hamilton.

Hundreds of passengers stranded in Hamilton after their flights to Hamilton landed there

Hundreds of passengers are stranded in the city of Hamilton tonight after their flights to Hamilton landed at their correct destination, prompting widespread concern for their wellbeing. As many as two to three hundred passengers may be caught up in the debacle, with none of them having a subsequent flight […]

Jacob Turnbull says he’s mentally ill and has killed countless other children, but the boy’s family say he doesn’t need to play down his heroic actions.

“I’m no hero,” says man who bravely rescued drowning boy so he could harvest his organs

A man who rescued a drowning boy on Wednesday is humbly claiming he isn’t a hero, saying he only saved the boy to brutally harvest his organs for use in some kind of sick breeding machine. But the boy’s parents are pushing back, saying the man is just “being modest,” […]