Opinion

Opinion: I would never listen to any of my employees

Opinion: I would never listen to any of my employees

By my count, it’s been four days since the Prime Minister and his smarmy little yuppie were exposed for what they are: liars, crooks, filthy, cronyistic, career-politician peddlers of self-interested rubbish. One of them is gone and the other remains, and I ask, why? The answer is obvious, but probably […]

Opinion: Well, I like planes

Opinion: Well, I like planes

Hi. I’m John Key, Prime Minister of New Zealand. One of them, anyway. If anyone knows who the current one is, that would be good. I need to send them a letter. Well, I like planes. I think most New Zealanders would agree there’s nothing like that cool New Zealand […]

By Prime Minister Bill English.

Opinion: I, too, am a human. Look at my failure. It is like your failure.

Hello fellow humans. Thank you for reading my thoughts on your electronic interface. It is a pleasure to be divulging them to you. While I have been very busy running our country of fellow human beings like me, I have also been taking what the kids call some “time out” […]

By Sir Bob Jones.

Opinion: These bloody ambulances think they own the road. We’ve all got somewhere to be

I don’t drive anymore. I don’t need to. I’ve got immigrants to do that for me. Also I’m not allowed to, ever since the bloody nanny state confiscated my license for driving drunk up State Highway 2. That’s nonsense. I don’t drink anymore. Two bottles of red a day, not […]

Opinion: I’m not lying, spinning or reciting disingenuous talking points. I sound like a robotic narcissist in private, too

Opinion: I’m not lying, spinning or reciting disingenuous talking points. I sound like a robotic narcissist in private, too

As a politician, people always say to me “Phil, why don’t you just answer the question? Is it really that hard? Why blatantly dodge and repeat scripted talking points like some kind of robot or call centre employee? Don’t you realise it’s obvious to everyone what you’re doing?” I find […]

Opinion: What’s all the fuss about these rivers? I drank some water once and it wasn’t any bloody good

Opinion: What’s all the fuss about these rivers? I drank some water once and it wasn’t any bloody good

This is nonsense, this stuff the Government’s going on about now with this bloody water, cleaner water, better water, swimmable water. I know it’s election year but grow a bloody spine for Christ’s sake, and stop pandering to this namby pamby crowd. I mean it’s infantile. They’re never going to […]