Opinion

By Prime Minister Bill English.

Opinion: I, too, am a human. Look at my failure. It is like your failure.

Hello fellow humans. Thank you for reading my thoughts on your electronic interface. It is a pleasure to be divulging them to you. While I have been very busy running our country of fellow human beings like me, I have also been taking what the kids call some “time out” […]

By Sir Bob Jones.

Opinion: These bloody ambulances think they own the road. We’ve all got somewhere to be

I don’t drive anymore. I don’t need to. I’ve got immigrants to do that for me. Also I’m not allowed to, ever since the bloody nanny state confiscated my license for driving drunk up State Highway 2. That’s nonsense. I don’t drink anymore. Two bottles of red a day, not […]

Opinion: I’m not lying, spinning or reciting disingenuous talking points. I sound like a robotic narcissist in private, too

Opinion: I’m not lying, spinning or reciting disingenuous talking points. I sound like a robotic narcissist in private, too

As a politician, people always say to me “Phil, why don’t you just answer the question? Is it really that hard? Why blatantly dodge and repeat scripted talking points like some kind of robot or call centre employee? Don’t you realise it’s obvious to everyone what you’re doing?” I find […]

Opinion: What’s all the fuss about these rivers? I drank some water once and it wasn’t any bloody good

Opinion: What’s all the fuss about these rivers? I drank some water once and it wasn’t any bloody good

This is nonsense, this stuff the Government’s going on about now with this bloody water, cleaner water, better water, swimmable water. I know it’s election year but grow a bloody spine for Christ’s sake, and stop pandering to this namby pamby crowd. I mean it’s infantile. They’re never going to […]

By Peter Thiel

Opinion: They’re saying I shouldn’t have citizenship but I’ve been here for at least several days

This is ridiculous. Ever since everyone found out that I have New Zealand citizenship, they’re acting like I don’t deserve it. They’re acting like I got it just because I was rich. Let me tell you: I’ve been in New Zealand for a long time, for maybe even four days, […]

Opinion: Everyone needs to calm down and give this KKK Grand Wizard I appointed to Secretary of State a chance

Opinion: Everyone needs to calm down and give this KKK Grand Wizard I appointed to Secretary of State a chance

Everybody just needs to calm down. You’re angry. Okay, I understand. You’re angry. You’re afraid. That’s okay. That’s okay. But don’t be afraid. Don’t be. This is what I do. I do good job, okay? People are afraid because they don’t know me, they don’t know me, that’s all it […]