Opinion

By sports columnist Jock Harrison.

Opinion: Will Steven Adams at least play table tennis for New Zealand?

If Steven Adams has any decency left – and you’d have to say, it looks like he doesn’t – then he’ll at least consider playing table tennis for New Zealand. Or something relatively easy, like lawn balls, for goodness sake. How hard can it be? Front up mate. Do the […]

Opinion: Recent experiences have led me to believe that text voting would be a wonderful thing for our democracy

Opinion: Recent experiences have led me to believe that text voting would be a wonderful thing for our democracy

Hi. I’m David. Hello. You might know me by now, I’m on the TV occasionally, I pour my own beer in public, and I wear shirts that are handed to me. All good then. Well you must be wondering, what do I stand for? Anyway, I have some thoughts about […]

Opinion: I would never listen to any of my employees

Opinion: I would never listen to any of my employees

By my count, it’s been four days since the Prime Minister and his smarmy little yuppie were exposed for what they are: liars, crooks, filthy, cronyistic, career-politician peddlers of self-interested rubbish. One of them is gone and the other remains, and I ask, why? The answer is obvious, but probably […]

Opinion: Well, I like planes

Opinion: Well, I like planes

Hi. I’m John Key, Prime Minister of New Zealand. One of them, anyway. If anyone knows who the current one is, that would be good. I need to send them a letter. Well, I like planes. I think most New Zealanders would agree there’s nothing like that cool New Zealand […]

By Prime Minister Bill English.

Opinion: I, too, am a human. Look at my failure. It is like your failure.

Hello fellow humans. Thank you for reading my thoughts on your electronic interface. It is a pleasure to be divulging them to you. While I have been very busy running our country of fellow human beings like me, I have also been taking what the kids call some “time out” […]

By Sir Bob Jones.

Opinion: These bloody ambulances think they own the road. We’ve all got somewhere to be

I don’t drive anymore. I don’t need to. I’ve got immigrants to do that for me. Also I’m not allowed to, ever since the bloody nanny state confiscated my license for driving drunk up State Highway 2. That’s nonsense. I don’t drink anymore. Two bottles of red a day, not […]