Farmers blame absence of Bill English for failure to summon Cow God

Dairy farmers have spent the better part of today blaming Prime Minister Bill English for their failure to summon the Cow God beneath the Morrinsville Mega Cow at a protest yesterday. Farmers assembled beneath the cow and chanted “Delivering for New Zealanders” in hopes of summoning the God of all […]

National has already been trying to get Steven Joyce and Simon O’Connor to vote early, both of whom have assured the party they’ll vote on election day and “it’ll be fine.”

Bill English will early vote for himself tomorrow morning before he changes his mind

Prime Minister Bill English has announced late this afternoon that he will be following the lead of Labour leader Jacinda Ardern, and breaking tradition by casting an early vote. English says he plans to vote tomorrow morning, before he changes his mind. “Look, I think what you’ve seen is a […]

Steven Joyce is confident he’ll be vindicated by the passage of time.

Steven Joyce reminds journalists that everyone said Copernicus was wrong, too

Faced with economists left and right dismissing his claim that there is an $11.7 billion hole in the Labour Party’s pre-election fiscal plan, Finance Minister Steven Joyce continues to double down this evening, holding an impromptu press conference to teach journalists about Nicolaus Copernicus. “Now, some of you may have […]

If you thought the election couldn’t get any more exciting, it didn’t.

Nation deeply divided over whether to put expected operating spending in categorised expenses row or operation allowances row

The most exciting New Zealand election of the modern era may have become even more explosive today, after Finance Minister Steven Joyce attacked Labour for putting forecast health and education operating spending for 2018/19 and 2019/20 in their respective expense figures, while including only unannounced new initiatives under the category […]

Labour’s finance spokesperson says the party has been “very clear” on how they’ll prospectively think about introducing various kinds of potential taxes at an undetermined point in the future.

Labour’s new tax calculator lets you put in your income and creates a working group that will deliberate for two years on what you’ll pay

In an effort to help reassure voters about its tax plans, Labour has introduced a new tax calculator on its website that will help to clarify what New Zealanders will pay if it wins the election on September 23rd. The calculator lets you put in your income and assets, or […]

The Civilian breaks down tonight’s TVNZ leaders debate starring Mike Hosking.

The Great Hosking Debate: A Debrief

TVNZ’s Great Hosking Debate between Mike Hosking and some lady and some man really lived up to its billing tonight, producing all the thrills and spills we’re used to seeing from the network that brought us “The News.” Bill English spent the day indoors with his debate coach practicing the […]

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