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Prime Minister Bill English held a press conference at 1pm this afternoon to tell all New Zealanders that he hates them, and that he can’t stand their “stupid fucking faces.” But due to electoral law – which doesn’t permit the publishing of any politically influential content between midnight and 7pm […]
Political parties are leaving no stone unturned tonight as they aggressively campaign for every last vote. Campaigning and other indications of political support will become illegal at midnight, until polls close tomorrow at 7pm. But given the hotly contested nature of this particular election, politicians are using every last minute. […]
ACT Party leader David Seymour spent his final day of the campaign standing in a local Whitcoulls, next to a stack of his own new book, Own Your Future. Seymour, who is not allowed to say the words “ACT Party” in his electorate of Epsom, or to his family, awkwardly […]
Dairy farmers have spent the better part of today blaming Prime Minister Bill English for their failure to summon the Cow God beneath the Morrinsville Mega Cow at a protest yesterday. Farmers assembled beneath the cow and chanted “Delivering for New Zealanders” in hopes of summoning the God of all […]
Prime Minister Bill English has announced late this afternoon that he will be following the lead of Labour leader Jacinda Ardern, and breaking tradition by casting an early vote. English says he plans to vote tomorrow morning, before he changes his mind. “Look, I think what you’ve seen is a […]
Faced with economists left and right dismissing his claim that there is an $11.7 billion hole in the Labour Party’s pre-election fiscal plan, Finance Minister Steven Joyce continues to double down this evening, holding an impromptu press conference to teach journalists about Nicolaus Copernicus. “Now, some of you may have […]