Politics

Steven Joyce is said to be relieved that he'll finally get to go home

Novopay debacle solved by restarting computer

Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce is winning praise this morning after he permanently solved the Novopay debacle by restarting the system’s main computer. Joyce, who was put in charge of fixing the faulty payroll system earlier this year, is today describing the solution as “actually fairly simple, it turns out.” […]

David Shearer suddenly remembers affair

David Shearer suddenly remembers affair

Labour Leader David Shearer has today revealed that, for a two year period between July 2009 and November 2011, he engaged in a romantic affair with a young office worker at his Mt. Albert electorate office in Auckland. Shearer claims that he “only just remembered” the affair and that up […]

Former CEO Don Elder estimates that, were it not for David, the company would be operating with at least a $40 million profit

Solid Energy blames financial trouble on intern

Solid Energy, the state owned coal mining enterprise currently facing financial peril, continues to blame its collapse on 24 year old junior accounting intern, David Fairbrother. Last month the company caused a great deal of public concern when it reported an astonishing loss that expanded its total debt to $389 […]

Government aid for farmers “droughtful”, jokes Key

Government aid for farmers “droughtful”, jokes Key

At question time in parliament yesterday, Prime Minister John Key was pressed by Labour Leader David Shearer on whether the government would offer a comprehensive aid package to farmers affected by the North Island drought. Key responded that, while the government would provide routine aid in the form of funding […]

National proposes legislation to Saturdayise Mondays

National proposes legislation to Saturdayise Mondays

As a bill authored by Labour MP David Clark to “Mondayise” all national holidays makes its way through parliament, the National Government is responding with a counter-proposal to Saturdayise all Mondays. Clark’s bill, which would mandate all national holidays take place on the nearest Monday to ensure that employees get […]

David Cunliffe just making phone calls; nothing suspicious about that

David Cunliffe just making phone calls; nothing suspicious about that

Backbench MP David Cunliffe today told Labour Leader David Shearer that he had “just been making phone calls” and that there was “certainly nothing strange about that.” In recent days, several senior MPs have reported receiving bizarre calls from Mr. Cunliffe, in which he gave them compliments and invited them […]