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After a world-first role reversal in which the Government’s website crashed its budget, Finance Minister Grant Robertson has bitterly refused to publicly release the document today, saying that if people want it, they’ll “just have to go find it.” “Seeing as you’re so fucking good at it,” he added. Robertson […]
Prime Minister John Key had just spent the last two hours making phone calls and preparing the final touches to his capital gains announcement. The clock had just passed 2pm, and he was slightly late. Nothing to be worried about, though. Being late to a media engagement just gives them […]
Businesses across New Zealand are welcoming the recommendations of the Government’s Tax Working Group this evening, saying they’re pleased that initial indications seem to be that they won’t have to pay capital gains on any of their 40-storey, 120-bedroom, sometimes floating family homes. From Fonterra to 2degrees to Foodstuffs, CEOs […]
National MP Judith Collins is said to be panicking after her mind lost all control of one of its host bodies in the late hours of this morning. The body, apparently accelerating its programming by several years, went on a 50-minute press conference rampage, accusing leader Simon Bridges of everything […]
In an attempt to ease plummeting business confidence, the not-Labour-led Government says it plans to spend some of its unexpectedly large surplus on therapy for those business owners who are not feeling so confident right now. Finance Minister Grant Robertson said he was “deeply saddened” to see how much confidence […]
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is holding firm today, saying she still won’t be firing Broadcasting Minister Clare Curran, even after accepting her resignation. Curran, who resigned yesterday following a decision to do so Thursday night, had struggled to answer questions this week about her use of a gmail account, fuelling […]