Prime Minister John Key said that today’s results were “great for Hekia,” and that he and his cabinet were “all very proud.”

National Standards results show improvement in Hekia Parata’s reading, writing and maths

The National Government is winning praise this afternoon after its annual National Standards results showed a vast improvement in the reading, writing and maths ability of Education Minister Hekia Parata. The data released today by the Ministry of Education showed that Parata’s personal reading score increased from 58.2% in 2011 […]

Sources close to Key say that he hasn’t had much sleep lately, as the grey suits have been coming more often.

‘The men in grey suits tell me nothing,’ says Key

Prime Minister John Key has today denied that the Government Communications Security Bureau (GCSB) has been circumventing New Zealand law by accessing data from international spy network PRISM, though says if they did, he wouldn’t know, because “the men in grey suits tell me nothing.” Key reports that the men […]

President Obama reportedly “especially enjoyed” the bit where Dunne had to explain his behaviour to the Prime Minister.

President Obama listening to Peter Dunne’s phone conversations with amusement

Sources report that United States President Barack Obama has spent the last week secretly listening to the phone conversations of former Revenue Minister Peter Dunne with “great amusement,” and has told aides that he has particularly enjoyed Dunne’s slow mental decline from denial to desperation. Obama, who has been listening […]

Peter Dunne says he will be resigning as a minister, because he has “failed [his] own personal test” of not appearing to have killed someone.

Peter Dunne suddenly wakes up in pool of blood at press conference

Revenue Minister Peter Dunne has suddenly woken up this afternoon in a pool of blood at the Beehive, surrounded by microphones and reporters. Dunne told waiting media that he had “no idea” what was happening, and that he “can’t possibly rationalise” the events of the last few days. As he […]

Smalley says the question to Mr. Brownlee was appropriate, “given the circumstances.”

Rachel Smalley in hot water after asking Gerry Brownlee whether he’s a cunt

TV3 Presenter and host of The Nation Rachel Smalley has been called on to apologise over a weeks-old interview in which she asked Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee whether he was a “horrible cunt.” “Uh… No,” said Brownlee at the time. “I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say that.” […]

David Shearer has lost all confidence in himself, and now sees the world through a dull, grey lens of misery.

Shearer rattled after John Key declines to stand by all his statements

Labour leader David Shearer is a faint shadow of his former self today after Prime Minister John Key shut down his line of questioning in Parliament by declining to stand by all his statements. The incident occurred just after 2pm yesterday when Shearer opened parliamentary Question Time by asking the […]