Science & Technology

Dum-de-doo.

Experts warn Harold the Giraffe “well past” typical giraffe life expectancy, may not have long

Children across New Zealand have known him for generations as the lovable giraffe who tells them to exercise, hydrate and not to shove lit cigarettes up their nostrils. But a world renowned giraffe expert says we shouldn’t be getting attached to Life Education’s Harold the Giraffe, as he is unlikely […]

By Sam Neill

Opinion: Baldwin Street is steeper because we’re on the bottom of the globe and it’s harder not to fall off

I was recently speaking with my pet pig, Angelica, about the wonders of science, and all the marvellous things it allows us to do with its zip-zappys and wing-wangeries. “Angelica, dear,” I said in my rich pleather tones, honed from many years toiling in the theatre of the movies. “Angelica, […]

Scientists are concerned whale civilizations will never advance if we stop sending them plastic bags.

Recent whale sightings in Wellington may just be whales trying to stockpile plastic bags

Department of Conservation experts believe that recent sightings of Southern right whales in Wellington Harbour may be related to the upcoming plastic bag ban that will be implemented by the government. Southern right whales have been spotted in the harbour twice this year in a relatively short space of time, […]

Infected users are beginning to panic this evening as English appears unwilling to disclose exactly what is in the pizza, or where the uphill bits are.

Ransomware virus will only unlock users’ computers if Bill English hands over secret family pizza recipe

Many of the nation’s businesses are at a standstill this evening as a ransomware virus that locks users out of their computers rapidly spreads across the country. The virus, named WannaPiece, encrypts users’ files so they can’t be accessed, and threatens not to decrypt them unless Prime Minister Bill English […]

Take that, Australia!

Amazing discovery: New Zealand is part of an enormous underwater land mass called Earth

People tend to think of New Zealand as a tiny little country tucked away in the corner of the globe, much smaller than continents like Australia, Europe, or Asia. But a groundbreaking new discovery suggests that couldn’t be further from the truth, with prominent geologists saying that the islands we […]

A gathering of scientists in Brussels has proposed that our Earth is one of many occupying different streams of time, and that our stream of time – once in the normal temporal flow – has dramatically verged into a bizarro stream that it’s paramount we escape.

Scientists believe world veered off into bizarro timestream sometime in mid-June

A gathering of real scientists in Brussels this week has concluded, after months of careful analysis, that the reality we are currently experiencing diverged from the normal timestreams in which it usually resides, and veered into a “bizarro” timestream sometime around mid-June of this year. The Brussels conference was called […]