Sport

Grass-drying is a popular event where two cricket teams come together to sit inside while men in hats debate whether the grass they’re walking on is safe to walk on.

Record crowd turns out to watch grass dry in ‘fantastic showing’ at Napier

Event staff at Napier’s McLean Park are thrilled this evening after a record crowd turned out to watch a field of grass dry over a period of 5 and a half hours, before being told to leave. Organisers of the event estimate it’s the largest New Zealand crowd ever to […]

The run is said to have been scored by batsman Ross Taylor, pictured here doing a dance.

Rumours a run has occurred on Day 4 of the second test between the Black Caps and Pakistan

There are rumours circulating this evening that a run may have occurred at Hamilton’s Seddon Park, during Day 4 of the second test between the Black Caps and Pakistan. While not yet independently confirmed, spectators at the ground say that one run did occur just after 3pm this afternoon, in […]

After Ireland victory, fears that rugby could become dynamic game where multiple teams can win

After Ireland victory, fears that rugby could become dynamic game where multiple teams can win

After Ireland’s historic victory against New Zealand at Soldier Field in Chicago yesterday, fears are beginning to mount among All Blacks leadership and fans alike, that rugby could become a dynamic game where multiple outcomes are possible. “There is that fear among the fans I talk to, in any case,” […]

Steve Hansen assures public that All Blacks would ‘not normally’ have sex

Steve Hansen assures public that All Blacks would ‘not normally’ have sex

All Blacks coach and chronic depressive Steve Hansen has held a press conference this afternoon, following revelations that All Black Aaron Smith at very least made noises with a woman in a Christchurch Airport disabled toilet. While news media has yet to report on the disturbance in the disabled toilet […]

The Civilian's Olympic schedule will be updated daily, along with results from previous days.

Rio Olympic Schedule – August 21st

August 21st 4:20am: 200m run out of ideas.   August 20th 1:35am: First to the top of the giant Jesus. 2:40am: The 50m tall tale 3:40am: Condom balloon animals 6:20am: The ‘spelling the dejeenero bit’ spelling bee 7:00am: Best drink made out of only two limes, a tangelo, a pine […]

New Zealand wins Olympic medal for binge drinking

New Zealand wins Olympic medal for binge drinking

New Zealand has won its first gold medal at the Rio Olympics today, after securing first place in the gruelling binge drinking competition. The New Zealand Olympic binge drinking team, made up of the majority of the kiwi athletes in Rio, was found passed out in and around a sewerage […]