Sport

PICTURED: Folau's updated list of hell-bound sinners.

Shunned and isolated, depressed Israel Folau revises list of sins to remove “drunks”

Following a difficult week for Israel Folau, under fire and alleged financial pressure due to his public condemnation of homosexuals, the former rugby union star has revised the list that landed him in this situation in the first place. Folau was sacked from the Wallabies by Rugby Australia last month, […]

Charlie O'Brien, 16, has single-handedly destroyed the SEO value of every other Charlie O'Brien in New Zealand.

Kid on swing embodies Kiwi dream by going back and forth and never getting anywhere

Some fucking kid has sat on a swing for 32 hours and inspired hope in a nation otherwise desperate for a hero. Hate runs rampant, political consensus seems unachievable, and it’s next to impossible to get a Buzz Bar, but New Zealanders today are heartened to know that some fucking […]

What a stupid animal.

EMBARRASSING: Winning Melbourne Cup horse just ran around in a big circle like some kind of idiot

It’s been revealed today that Melbourne Cup winner Cross Counter only won the race by running around in a circle like some big, dumb, horse-faced idiot. Counter, 3, was hailed by the excited crowd as he crossed the finish line. But a close examination of race footage shows that although […]

PICTURED: Camera footage of one of the several foreign objects present on the field throughout the first test.

Black Caps accused of score tampering using foreign objects Wagner, Watling, Raval and de Grandhomme

The Black Caps’ famous test win over England in Auckland has been marred today, by accusations that skipper Kane Williamson introduced a series of foreign objects to the field in order to tamper with the score. Cameras at Eden Park caught what appeared to be four distinct objects being used […]

"It's a useless cup and I wanted to get rid of the bloody thing" – something something

Spithill reveals Cup is useless; was just trying to get rid of it the whole time

Oracle Team USA skipper Jimmy Spithill has blamed his team’s America’s Cup loss on not wanting to win. “It’s a useless cup and I wanted to get rid of the bloody thing,” he told media today, breaking his silence for the first time since the initial post-match press conference. “The […]

Peter Burling says that setting this up was a “very delicate process” that required making sure to lose just one race before getting to six points.

Team New Zealand perfectly poised to lose 7-6

After two consecutive wins against Team Oracle in Bermuda, Emirates Team New Zealand have set themselves up perfectly to lose the competition 7-6. The New Zealanders pushed themselves out to a 6-1 lead this morning, maintaining the position they’ve held for the last four years; one win from victory. Helmsman […]