Sport

Sonny Bill Williams is now listed at 278cm tall.

Will Steve Hansen’s plan to stack two All Blacks on top of each other in a big coat pay dividends?

When the All Blacks face South Africa in their first match of next month’s Rugby World Cup, Steve Hansen’s bold plan to field 16 players by stacking two All Blacks on top of each other in a giant black coat will finally be put to the test. Hansen has been […]

Many of the man's family members are afraid he's only got out of bed to drink.

Man finally gets out of bed after Cricket World Cup

31-year-old Jeffrey Twigg finally got out of bed this evening after the 2019 Cricket World Cup final between New Zealand and England. With a blood alcohol concentration of 380mg, Twigg went to bed on the morning of July 15th, immediately following the final, the specific events of which cannot be […]

Spark is bracing for a customer backlash as rugby fans all across the country struggle to get a picture on their wireless router.

Elderly couple told they still can’t watch Rugby World Cup even after putting router in centre of lounge

With the Rugby World Cup fast approaching, an elderly Taranaki couple are furious after being told that they still won’t be able to watch the tournament, even after placing a router in the centre of their living room. Michael and Alice Duncan, 83 and 85, have been avid All Blacks […]

PICTURED: Folau's updated list of hell-bound sinners.

Shunned and isolated, depressed Israel Folau revises list of sins to remove “drunks”

Following a difficult week for Israel Folau, under fire and alleged financial pressure due to his public condemnation of homosexuals, the former rugby union star has revised the list that landed him in this situation in the first place. Folau was sacked from the Wallabies by Rugby Australia last month, […]

Charlie O'Brien, 16, has single-handedly destroyed the SEO value of every other Charlie O'Brien in New Zealand.

Kid on swing embodies Kiwi dream by going back and forth and never getting anywhere

Some fucking kid has sat on a swing for 32 hours and inspired hope in a nation otherwise desperate for a hero. Hate runs rampant, political consensus seems unachievable, and it’s next to impossible to get a Buzz Bar, but New Zealanders today are heartened to know that some fucking […]

What a stupid animal.

EMBARRASSING: Winning Melbourne Cup horse just ran around in a big circle like some kind of idiot

It’s been revealed today that Melbourne Cup winner Cross Counter only won the race by running around in a circle like some big, dumb, horse-faced idiot. Counter, 3, was hailed by the excited crowd as he crossed the finish line. But a close examination of race footage shows that although […]