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Sport

Ma’a Nonu and Jerome Kaino bring home a cup, which it turns we already have quite a few of, and it’s not even a very good one for drinking from.

Nation starting to realise that nothing happens after winning World Cup

As of this evening, New Zealanders are beginning to realise that nothing actually happens as a result of winning the Rugby World Cup. After an exciting and excruciating month of watching the All Blacks play to win their second successive title, the nation is just now beginning to feel collectively […]

Sky didn’t buy rights to Rugby World Cup playoffs; will just replay 2007 quarterfinal over and over

Sky didn’t buy rights to Rugby World Cup playoffs; will just replay 2007 quarterfinal over and over

New Zealand’s premier subscription TV network, Sky Television, has today confessed to not purchasing the broadcasting rights for this year’s playoff games of the Rugby World Cup, which will leave viewers unable to watch the All Blacks’ quarterfinal game against France this Sunday. Sky has apologised for the mix-up, which […]

Prime Minister assassinated, nuclear bomb detonated; no one notices because cricket

Prime Minister assassinated, nuclear bomb detonated; no one notices because cricket

The Prime Minister is dead and the Syrian city of Damascus is aflame tonight, though neither of these developments have yet been covered by media, as journalists gorge themselves on Australia’s national game of paddle-ball. The paddle-ball, which is proving to be the most popular international sporting event in New […]

The Government will now have to decide between the politically unpopular option of funding Team New Zealand, or the populist option of funding a giant machine of destruction.

Dean Barker vows to construct death yacht to compete against Team New Zealand

Former helmsman Dean Barker has vowed today that he will seek revenge on his former teammates, and single-handedly construct a “giant death yacht” with which he will defeat Team New Zealand and “take over the world.” Barker, who was this week publicly dumped from New Zealand’s competitive moneyboat team, said […]

New Zealand, Sri Lanka just stand around on field after both teams paid to lose

New Zealand, Sri Lanka just stand around on field after both teams paid to lose

In an awkward turn of events today, the first match of the Cricket World Cup between New Zealand and Sri Lanka is currently being marred by the fact that neither team apparently wants to win. The match, being played at Christchurch’s Hagley Oval, has been going for more than six […]

Cricket World Cup will allow viewers to engage in interactive match-fixing

Cricket World Cup will allow viewers to engage in interactive match-fixing

Just one day ahead of the opening ceremony of the 2015 Cricket World Cup, the International Cricket Council (ICC) has announced that it will be collaborating with sports bookers to offer live, interactive match-fixing for anyone watching the games. In addition to regular bets, sports bookers will be allowing viewers […]