The Government is appealing to all New Zealanders to behave themselves, and for the love god, don’t talk about anything that happened in the 80s.

Bill English asks New Zealanders to please ‘look busy’ for US Secretary of state visit

Prime Minister Bill English is making a sincere appeal to all New Zealanders this week, ahead of a visit from US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Tillerson will arrive in Wellington on Tuesday, and English says he wants all New Zealanders to “tidy up” and “look busy.” “This is a […]

Who would’ve thought Middle East peace could be so complicated?

Trump Middle East peace plan derailed after discovering Israel already has a wall

An announcement about President Donald Trump’s Middle East peace proposal has been indefinitely postponed after he discovered that Israel already has a wall. The proposal, which the President himself purportedly spent all of yesterday writing, was one page long, size 72 font, and read, in full: WALL. According to aides […]

1921 – 2017 or thereabouts.

We’re just going to go ahead and report that Prince Philip is dead because it’ll be true soon enough anyway

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, husband of the Queen, and member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg has passed away this morning at age 95. And if he hasn’t, that’ll be true soon enough anyway, so just bookmark this page and pull it back up when that happens. Philip reportedly suffered […]

A photograph released by the Pentagon shows the Pepsi being shaken vigorously until it launches.

In bid to ease tensions, Trump authorises firing 59 Pepsi cans at Syrian military base

In a dramatic twist in the Syrian conflict, U.S. President Donald Trump has ordered the firing of nearly 60 cans of Pepsi at a military installation just south of Homs. The move comes in response to a horrific chemical attack carried out on civilians by the regime of Bashar al-Assad, […]

A New York University experiment has found that – perhaps unexpectedly – Trump was even more likable as a home appliance.

Gender bias: How would audiences respond differently if Trump was a washing machine and Clinton was a can opener?

The traditional wisdom – as held in academic circles – is that gender played a significant role in the outcome of the 2016 US Presidential election. The thinking goes that Donald Trump’s brash and obnoxious braggadocio was only tolerated because he was a man, and Hillary Clinton’s poise, experience and […]

Tales of the provinces are based on largely unreliable anecdotes from delusional Aucklanders who strayed too far down the southern motorway.

Auckland father terrifies son by telling him of mythical place called ‘the provinces’

An Auckland father has sent his son off to bed tonight by telling him a story of a mythical place called “the provinces,” where people support rugby teams other than The Blues and poors can in some cases afford houses. The man’s son was physically and emotionally rattled as his […]