Collins ‘popped in’ to Anglican church to briefly threaten God before voting

Even the private telepathic communications of National's leader are now being leaked to the press.

Even the private telepathic communications of National’s leader are now being leaked to the press.

The leaks keep coming from within the National Party tonight, with several insiders sharing candid details about Judith Collins’ very public prayers over the weekend.

When pictures emerged of Collins inside Auckland’s St. Thomas Tāmaki church on Sunday, it was widely believed the opposition leader had tripped and fallen, and become wedged between two pews, awaiting rescue.

But when bystanders tried to help Collins up, they were waved away.

She later insisted she had been “deep in prayer,” something that came as a surprise, given Collins’ lack of history with public displays of non-occult religiosity.

The excuse appeared to be an attempt to save face, but those on the campaign trail with Collins at the time have confirmed the National leader did, in fact, “pop in” to the church just to “quickly threaten God” about the election result.

“As one might expect, Judith hasn’t been particularly happy about the way things have been going,” said one source in the leader’s orbit. “We intended to just go in and vote, but when she saw the empty pews, she said ‘Hang on, let me just go have a quick word.’ She’s not one to cower.”

Collins had told the Lord she knew “what the score [was]”, and cautioned against messing with her “again.”

She was particularly incensed at the prospect the Lord, Almighty God, might deliver the election to “an ex-Mormon.”

“I mean seriously, for goodness sake,” she was heard muttering, as she picked herself up from the pews.

Telepathic conversations with the Lord typically remain private business, but it appears that someone CCed on the prayer may have forwarded it to Newshub political editor Tova O’Brien.

Some religious experts believe Collins made a mistake in electing to threaten the Anglican god, and should’ve opted instead to threaten a god who was more of a pushover, like “the Presbyterian one.”