Concern after future monarch revealed to be useless infant who won’t stop crying

The royal family is beginning to have doubts about Prince George’s capacity to rule having discovered that he is not, in fact, demonstrably different from any other infant in the realm.

The royal family is beginning to have doubts about Prince George’s capacity to rule having discovered that he is not, in fact, demonstrably different from any other infant in the realm.

Almost a week following the birth of Prince George of Cambridge, Royal observers have noted with some concern that the future British monarch has spent most of his time sleeping, crying, suckling his mother’s breast or defecating himself, with little to no time dedicated to understanding the needs of the realms over which he will one day reign.

Prince George, 6 days, had long been anticipated to herald the start of a new golden era for the British monarchy.

But so far he has yet to demonstrate any leadership potential, or much of anything else.

A source close to the Royal household says there was excitement on Saturday as the Prince turned his head towards a nearby television, seemingly moved by the plight of Cairo citizens featured on a news report.

The source said the Prince’s apparent humility initially reminded bystanders of his grandmother, Diana.

However, his intention was swiftly clarified by a sudden vomiting, which reminded observers more of his uncle, Harry.

Republican Movement chair Lewis Holden said the Prince’s attitude demonstrated a lack of regard for ordinary New Zealanders.

“If we are to believe what we are hearing out of England, someone changes the Prince’s nappy at least once a day, probably more,” he said. “Do we really want a head of state who is incapable of changing his own pants?

“Has the Prince ever had to work a day in his life? Has the Prince ever had to wait in traffic? Has the Prince ever had to use the automated checkouts at the supermarket, and not get caught keying Cadbury Roses in as pick ‘n’ mix? That whole thing can be tricky.”

But Monarchy NZ Chair Sean Palmer said the Prince’s life experience was one that many New Zealanders could identify with.

“The Prince understands what we’re about: having a few, chucking up over ourselves, then falling asleep,” he said. “When you think about it, he’s already living the kiwi dream.”