The Labour Party claims to have blown the 2014 election race wide open today, after releasing a series of emails to and from leader David Cunliffe, which strongly suggest that, beneath his painfully smug outward demeanour, he may, in fact, have a sense of humour.
Labour says the emails show that National has been misleading the public in recent weeks and this new evidence “completely dismantles” their version of the story; that Cunliffe is a sad, washed up, desperate politician with no joy in his life.
Deputy leader and fence-post impersonator David Parker said that the emails show a “different side” to Cunliffe, revealing him making hearty jokes about syntax and occasionally doing a minor swear.
“There are also several excerpts,” he said, “which we’ve compiled into one press release, that show David expressing his ideas without the use of tacky one-liners that make him appear like a giant cock.”
Labour President Moira Coatsworth confirmed this afternoon that the party was investigating how David was allowed to communicate without those one-liners.
Amongst the ones of tens of emails released by Labour, is a message Cunliffe wrote to a family friend, in which they briefly discuss her son’s job in a café. In said email, Cunliffe accidentally spells “barista” as “barrister,” a different job of entirely different esteem. Realizing his mistake, he addresses it in a following email.
“Looks like I inadvertently gave him a promotion,” he quipped, presumably met with laughter from the recipient.
After discovering the emails in a routine sweep of party records at the end of last week, Cunliffe immediately demanded that they be compiled and released to the public.
“It is important that every New Zealander sees this before they have the chance to go to the polls in September,” he announced today, waving the papers in front of media. “Here, in my hands, is the irrefutable proof that John Key and the National Government have been lying to the people of this country.”
“At one point here, I seem to acknowledge that we’re in a tough spot, politically,” he said, pointing to one piece of paper, “instead of insisting everything’s fine and just making me look disingenuous. At another point, I appear to at very least pretend to love my family.”
Cunliffe said that the party had sent a letter to the Prime Minister, asking him to make an apology for any previous inferences. That apology is unlikely to materialise, as John Key has said he won’t be reading the letter – or the emails – until after the election.