Did Andrew Little entertain hundreds of kids’ stupid bullshit for nothing?

The former leader fears yes.

The former leader fears yes.

Former Labour leader but still a massive fixture in our election coverage for budgeting and scheduling reasons Andrew Little, has opened up about his resignation today, saying he’s primarily concerned that he may have entertained the “trivial bullshit” of hundreds of children for absolutely nothing.

Asked what his biggest regret as Labour leader was, Little unequivocally said it was listening to children “yammer on” about their “totally uninteresting” days and show him “terrible drawings” of “short men.”

“Why did they keep telling them Mr. Little was coming?” he groaned. “I’ll never understand, just call me Andrew. It’ll save the crying when they find out I’m not small.”

Little was once assaulted with a pencil by a 5-year-old girl who was reportedly “incensed” that he wasn’t “the real Mr. Little.”

He is said to have cried in the hallway afterwards.

In one particularly humiliating incident at a Rotorua school, Little was forced to watch a child for five whole minutes as he drew his “favourite Pry Minster” Bill English.

“I think that was the day I yelled at my junior publicist,” he said. “Why the fuck are you sending me to these places? These children can’t even vote. Why do we even talk to kids? Can’t we just ignore them?”

Now he feels – having resigned the leadership – these traumatic experiences may have been for nothing

“They do stick with you,” he said. “In bed, at night, the kid who asked you where your hair went, the kid who got snot on your brand new suit, the kid who drew a picture of you shitting on a seagull – I mean why on earth you’d ever do that.

“But you tell yourself, this is just part of the process, these are the hard yards, this is what you have to do to be Prime Minister.


Asked if he felt it might have been a character-building or an enriching experience meeting the nation’s children, Little just shook his head and looked at the floor.

“No,” he said. “No.”

“Any of it? Any part of the leadership?”

There was silence, and he took another hit.