Five things you didn’t know about bananas because they aren’t true

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know!

We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta.

Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better.

Indeed, the knowledge available to anyone with a basic internet connection is so vast it’s overwhelming. Kids who grew up in cities used to only know a couple of animals. Now they know lots! Like cow, chicken, beef, and more!

Did you know that, in the past, you could only know things that were true? Thanks to the internet, you can now know things that aren’t! You can know anything you want!

Even mundane, everyday objects have millions of facts about them you didn’t even know, but are now at your fingertips.

Take bananas, for example.

No, really! There are countless fun facts about bananas you might never have heard just because they aren’t true!

Here are just a few:

1. Banana is an ancient Roman word for “Humph! No, no!”

Romans hated bananas because they would regularly grow like weeds on crucifixion crosses, and provide food to those hanging on them. This would often mean criminals would last 3-4 days longer than scheduled, creating a massive backlog that led to out of control administration costs.

2. You can make a little toy phone by drilling six holes in two bananas and tying them together with string

Try this fun party trick with your kids. Give them two bananas and your biggest electric drill, and let them make their own telephones that can be used to hear one another at a range of two to four metres. It’s best if you don’t supervise them, as that way, they’ll learn nothing.

3. A banana republic is a type of clothing store with stratified social classes that relies solely on the exportation of limited resources and the exploitation of labour

The labourers are bananas.

4. Bananas were initially domesticated as pets

Back in the early times, before microwaves, wild bananas were domesticated as pets, and were never thought of as food. This was because they were worshipped as divine creatures by the ancient Wololo people, who lived during the Age of Empires.

But as more secular forces got their hands on the banana, it was increasingly felt they were terrible pets, as they didn’t actually do anything. And so began banana farming, and eventually, banana consumption.

5. Cricket was initially played with bananas

Ever wonder how the now-mandatory practice of overarm bowling began in cricket? It’s because bowlers originally didn’t bowl with balls. Instead, they hurled bananas at the batsman – as many as they could throw at a time – and he had to fend them off from the stumps before taking a run.

Banana peels were not allowed to be removed from the wicket, and these served as additional obstacles for batsmen when taking runs.

Well now, wasn’t that a lot of fun? We hope you’ve learned a lot, and remember: it’s always important to keep learning things, so share these facts with your friends, or come up with your own, so together, we can keep stuffing our heads full of all kinds of shit.