Getting completely smashed every night may be good for your health, say nutritionists

Like any diet or exercise, drinking seven days a week can be hard, but rewarding.

Like any diet or exercise, drinking seven days a week can be hard, but rewarding.

A study from a British University suggests that getting outrageously sloshed on alcohol every night of the week may be good for your health.

The study, conducted by nutritionists Gerard Little and Lillian McGee, closely monitored 103 students from the University of Surrey, as they were instructed to ingest no less than ten standard drinks every evening for six weeks.

The study controlled for factors such as weight, diet, raucousness, and even age, with many adult students participating.

While many students found themselves vomiting, unable to perform basic tasks, and occasionally dead, others reported what they sometimes described as a “euphoric feeling” and told researchers they could perform physical feats they had never before dreamed of.

These included running “faster than Usain Bolt,” and “flying.”

“There does appear to be some evidence in our study that drinking like your liver is some kind of infinite sponge can have positive effects on your overall physical wellbeing,” said McGee. “After drinking non-stop for 4 weeks, subjects were more than twice as likely to report being able to run a marathon, and where they previously said they felt tired and weak, they now felt they could beat up pretty much anyone.”

Little said there was a “clear positive relationship” between the amount a participant drunk and their reported physical fitness.

“It just goes to show that some things we generally consider to be bad for you, can actually result in positive health outcomes if implemented correctly,” he explained. “So if you’re thinking of changing your diet, consider having just a little bit of getting completely smashed off your tits in the evening. It could really help.”

The University of Surrey has apologised to the families of those participants who perished during the study, but says their sacrifice has helped contribute to a “potentially revolutionary” health discovery.