In response to a member’s bill – authored by Mana Party leader Hone Harawira – that would seek to provide state-funded breakfasts to hungry children in low-decile schools, the Government is proposing its own version of the legislation, which would instead develop a partnership with popular food brand Uncle Tobys to offer the nation’s children a plentiful supply of nothing but Le Snak.
Prime Minister John Key announced the plan today at a carefully staged media event at St. Michael’s School in Lower Hutt.
“Le Snak is a whole meal,” said Key to an audience of children and teachers. “It is a nutritious, traditional French cuisine. It contains all the essential nutrients, such as fats, carbohydrates and calories.”
The Prime Minister then bit into a Le Snak cracker, screwed up his face, and put it down again.
“Yum,” he said.
Parents who witnessed the announcement today had a largely positive reaction to the plan. Tabitha Simmons, mother of two children who attend St. Michael’s School, said it would help her kids to get a more well-rounded diet.
“I’ve spoken to the school about it and they’ve told me that, if this goes ahead, every child will get one Le Snak for breakfast and one Le Snack for lunch,” she said. “It’s so much better than what we can give them at home. We’ve never been able to afford that fancy French stuff like Le Snak or – what do you call them? – fruit rolls.”
But not all were impressed by the Government’s effort. Labour leader David Shearer was quick to denounce the plan as being “too narrow.”
“There are all kinds of flavours of Le Snak,” said Shearer, “including Aussie BBQ, French onion, and Italiano. But as far as we can tell, this legislation only provides the traditional cheddar flavour. Does the Prime Minister not know of these other flavours, or is he willfully denying the country’s children a balanced diet?”
Shearer later put that question to the Prime Minister in Parliament this afternoon.
“Thank you, Mr. Speaker,” said Shearer, having been given the floor. “My question to the Prime Minister is, does he know that there are a total of five different Le Snak flavours, including tasty cheese dip, cheddar cheese dip, French onion cheese dip, Aussie BBQ cheese dip and Italiano cheese dip?”
“Yes,” replied Key.
“Why, then, did he see fit to provide the nation’s poorest children with only one of what seems to be a quite impressive range of dips?” asked Shearer.
“Well, Mr. Speaker,” said Key, “I think it should be quite clear that the member opposite has not actually tried the range of cheeses he professes to know so much about, because if he had, he would know that the normal one is just fine and the others are all a bit icky, frankly.”
Simmons said she wasn’t too concerned about what flavours her children were offered, and was just looking forward to not having to feed them anymore.