Grant Robertson breaking into people’s homes screaming ‘let’s do this’ in last ditch election eve effort

Do not go gently into that goodnight. Rage, rage, against the closing of the campaign window.

Do not go gently into that goodnight. Rage, rage, against the closing of the campaign window.

Political parties are leaving no stone unturned tonight as they aggressively campaign for every last vote.

Campaigning and other indications of political support will become illegal at midnight, until polls close tomorrow at 7pm. But given the hotly contested nature of this particular election, politicians are using every last minute.

Labour’s Grant Robertson has taken advantage of a quiet night in for most New Zealanders, breaking into their living rooms through the window as they watch television.

“LET’S DO THIS!” he has reportedly been screaming as he fumbles his way through their curtains and knocks over their fine china. “LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!”

There is as yet no word on whether leader Jacinda Ardern or the party at large has signed off on this strategy, or whether it was Grant’s idea, nor how much alcohol was involved in its conception.

But in a phone interview just minutes ago, Robertson did say “Ahhhhhh’ll fuckin’ do this myself.”

The sounds of beer bottle caps rattled in the background.

But Labour isn’t the only party making last minute election moves. Greens sole-leader James Shaw has been sitting at a Wellington bus stop crying, and passers-by say it has made him seem “more sympathetic.”

“When he vomited all over the pavement, I really saw myself in that,” said one young woman.

Asked if she’d vote for Shaw, she said “Fuck no.”

Winston Peters is sleeping at a Whangarei rest home tonight, though reporters have been told this was not an intentional political move.

And Prime Minister Bill English, not to be outdone, has been sighted knocking on people’s doors with pizza in hand.

“Hi,” he reportedly greeted one resident. “Are you New Zealanders?”

“Yes,” they said.

“Well, I’ve got a delivery for you,” he replied, a cheeky grin plastered across his face.