Hot take: Did the All Blacks deliberately lose every game they ever lost?

Every New Zealander is born with an innate understanding that rugby is a game between two nations that is won by the team that is the All Blacks.

Every New Zealander is born with an innate understanding that rugby is a game between two nations that is won by the team that is the All Blacks.

You’d certainly have to think so.

The Mighty All Blacks, the greatest team ever to play rugby, or, arguably, any sport ever, are preparing to face The British & Irish Lions in the test match leg of this decade’s Lions tour.

But have they ever lost? Certainly not fairly, and probably not without meaning to, either.

It goes without saying that the Mighty All Blacks are the modern pinnacle of sporting excellence, so it seems hard to believe that they’d lose any game without it being part of a larger plan.

An esteemed panel of level-headed rugby analysts would surely agree, though we haven’t asked them. It truly isn’t necessary.

From the 2007 World Cup loss in Cardiff, to that one time Ireland beat us, there is substantial evidence to suggest the All Blacks are deliberately throwing games as a part of a larger strategic plan that it would be extremely difficult for other, weaker-minded rugby nations to understand.

Take a look at this still shot from that World Cup quarterfinal against France:

evidence1

Now, who do you think the man in the red circle is? That’s right. That’s Jerry Collins. He’s an excellent rugby player.

You’ll also notice that in this screenshot, New Zealand are ahead of France.

Just a quick Google search, which, with the right technology, you could even do at home, will tell you that in a game of Rugby Union, the team with the most points wins.

So what gives? Why did the All Blacks lose? Something is amiss.

Take a look at this still shot from the 2016 Chicago “loss” against Ireland:

Evidence2

You’ll notice that at around 25 minutes into game time, the All Blacks are just standing around in one place on the field. No wonder they’re ten points behind!

We can tell from the shape of the formation that it’s deliberate.

But why? Why would the All Blacks deliberately lose to Ireland?

We can only speculate. Coach Steve Hansen clearly had a plan, and whether it’s to do with lowering the guard of our opposition, keeping the spirit of the game alive, or just being the all round good guys that the big-hearted boys are, we’ll never be entirely sure.

But we do know one thing: Richie McCaw and Jonah Lomu.

Other countries might describe our rugby and our fans as arrogant, but on the merits, and the fact that we deliberately lose games to make other nations feel better and think they have a chance, it appears that, actually, we may just be the most humble rugby nation of all.

 

*Editor’s note: A previous version of this article was in the opinion section, an error which we deeply regret.