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Jacinda Ardern ran down four National supporters with her car this morning but due to electoral law we couldn’t report it until now

Dr. Ashley Bloomfield reported at today’s 1pm health briefing that the Coronavirus turns out not to exist, but that information was also withheld on the same grounds.

Dr. Ashley Bloomfield reported at today’s 1pm health briefing that the Coronavirus turns out not to exist, but that information was also withheld on the same grounds.

Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern began her election morning by ruthlessly driving her car into a family of National supporters just blocks from her Auckland home.

Ardern, driving a white Hyundai Ioniq, apparently snapped when she saw the family wearing National Party rosettes on their way to the local polling booth, in breach of electoral law banning party advertisements until 7pm.

Electoral law also forbade us from reporting this until now, due to the possibility of it influencing your vote, an unfair and unthinkable outcome.

Apparently finally buckling under the weight of years of pressure, insults and condescension, while trying to maintain an unrealistically unflappable public persona, the Prime Minister reached her breaking point and made the decision to mount the curb before accelerating into the family at several times the speed limit.

Police are treating the incident as a speeding offence, and the Prime Minister has been ticketed.

Two of the family are in hospital this evening, while the other two have passed away.

The survivors of the vehicular assault said that it did not influence their vote, and they’re glad the media made sure it didn’t influence anyone either

“I’m not pleased that Jacinda Ardern decided to run me down with her hybrid vehicle,” one of them told us, speaking in laboured breaths from their hospital bed. “But I would never let it influence my vote and I’m glad the news media decided to follow the law and err on the side of caution, and keep our election fair as possible, as it was in my day.”

He said his wider family, many of whom are Labour supporters, shared the sentiment.

“For democracy’s sake, my family members who I know vote Labour, I didn’t call them about what had happened until after I knew they’d already voted.”

Though it may frustrate some voters they didn’t have access to this information earlier, an Electoral Commission spokesperson said the law is essential.

“We understand this might be frustrating, and you might really want to know what is going on,” they said, “but it is paramount that every New Zealander has the right to vote unperturbed by outside influence for exactly 10 of the total 150 hours they’re allowed to vote. Without that right being available to everyone, with of course the limited exception of the 75% or so who vote before election day, you can’t even have a democracy.”

When this morning’s incident was put to opposition leader Judith Collins, she shrugged it off.

“This her first time?” she asked. “You can be Prime Minister apparently, but it just goes to show how much of an amateur she is at this.”

Collins explained she always tries to get her “really” evil stuff out of the way on election day.

Voters are unlikely to care about Ardern’s actions this morning, with Labour projected in some polls to win an outright majority, which may even serve as a ringing endorsement of the Prime Minister’s behaviour.