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John Banks disappointed that no one thought to send him white powder

John Banks is struggling to understand why someone would threaten Peter Dunne’s life but not his.

John Banks is struggling to understand why someone would threaten Peter Dunne’s life but not his.

Associate Education Minister and leader of the ACT Party John Banks is feeling left out this afternoon, after MPs Gerry Brownlee and Peter Dunne both received a pair of suspicious packages containing white powder.

Following reports of the incident, Banks quickly got in contact with his staff and asked them to check all his mail immediately, as he thought it was “highly likely” that he, too, had received a potentially dangerous substance.

But after two hours of rooting through mail, Banks was disappointed to find that there was not a single letter containing white powder, and was left wondering why no one thought to send him one.

“He was really shattered,” said one staffer, who wished to remain anonymous. “He just couldn’t believe that after going through all five letters he’d received this year, we couldn’t find a single suspicious package, or even a death threat.

“He kept telling us that it must have been lost in the post.”

Banks reportedly got excited earlier today when he found a few white speckles on his power bill, but grew more dejected than before when he discovered that it was only dandruff from his hair.

“It’s like nobody cares about me,” he told one aide, with a look of bewilderment.

Banks has since ordered a full search of all his mail from the last three years, just to be sure that nothing was missed. This had caused some staffers to become worried about him, but reports now suggest that the minister has cheered up significantly in the last hour, after someone suggested to him that the reason he wasn’t receiving dangerous mail was because he was “the best MP” and nobody disliked him.