John Campbell shocks nation by reading politicians’ Wednesday schedules to eerie music

“3:15pm: with Question Time over, [New Zealand First leader Winston] Peters leaves Parliament,” Campbell dramatically claimed on his show last night. “He returns home, where he goes to bed; an unusually early bed time for a man his age.”

“3:15pm: with Question Time over, [New Zealand First leader Winston] Peters leaves Parliament,” Campbell dramatically claimed on his show last night. “He returns home, where he goes to bed; an unusually early bed time for a man his age.”

Just one night after broadcasting a large amount of circumstantial evidence suggesting that Prime Minister John Key was dishonest about his appointment of Ian Fletcher to the head of the GCSB, host of TV3’s Campbell Live, human joy machine John Campbell, shocked his audience once again last night by reading out a number of politicians’ weekly schedules to a playlist of eerie stock music.

“Last night, we showed a detailed account of the Prime Minister actions surrounding the appointment of Ian Fletcher to the GCSB,” said Campbell, opening his show. “Tonight, we bring to light new evidence about what our country’s most powerful leaders, did today, Wednesday the 22nd of May, that may also surprise you.

“7:21am,” began Campbell, solemnly, to the backdrop of footage of a clock ticking, “Prime Minister John Key leaves a private breakfast at his home. Accompanying him, a driver.

“That driver will take him to the airport, where he will board a device known as an aeroplane. An aeroplane is a special, state-of-the-art vehicle that looks like a bird, first pioneered in 1903 by these men: Orville and Wilbur Wright.”

Pictures of airplanes, numbers and maps panned across the screen with various transition effects, along with several single frames of the Mazda logo.

“Just one hour later, that same plane will return to the ground. It’s a small country, they say. What goes up, must come down. But while this might sound like a plausible explanation, what we can reveal to you tonight, is that there are flights that are a lot, lot longer than that.

“9:18am, Key arrives at a building called the Beehive, a place, incidentally, which is host to the most powerful players in New Zealand society. What went on in that building on that morning, we can only speculate, but what we do know, is that it was not a coincidence.

“At 9:52am, Key receives a phone call, from a man called Tony Abbott. Abbott, who Key will speak with on several subsequent occasions, is also the leader of not just some, but the whole of Australia.

“What possible interest could our Prime Minister have in the entirety of the Australian nation? Again, we can only speculate, and, after the break, we will.”

Key was not the only politician Campbell exposed in his full half-hour segment, with Labour leader David Cunliffe, New Zealand First leader Winston Peters and United Future leader Peter Dunne also receiving intense scrutiny.

“8:13am: David Cunliffe, a man with his sights set on the highest office in our nation, feeds his chickens. Why? And why is he not in Wellington? More importantly, would anyone notice if he was?”

“Later that day, at 2:16pm, Cunliffe meets with Labour MP Jacinda Ardern, a woman who is not his wife.”

“United Future Leader Peter Dunne,” declared Campbell towards the end of his show. “10:26am this morning, Mr. Dunne makes a phone call to Prime Minister John Key, the same man we featured earlier in this programme. Fascinatingly, this is the only thing that Peter does all day.”

Campbell is slated to take this format even further on tonight’s show, and attempt to fill in the blanks in these timelines by reading out a series of events that didn’t occur, but were technically physically possible.