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John Key asks media to ‘lay off’ because it’s his birthday

John Key believes most New Zealanders would agree that "people should be allowed to enjoy themselves on their birthday."

John Key believes most New Zealanders would agree that “people should be allowed to enjoy themselves on their birthday.”

Prime Minister John Key this morning reminded reporters that they must refrain from raising any tough issues today as it is his birthday.

Key, who exited his mother’s uterus 52 years ago, said that there was an unwritten rule that the media must “lay off” the Prime Minister on his or her birthday.

“You will see that I’ve now made it a written rule,” he said, holding aloft a piece of refill with a handwritten note scrawled on it. “We’ll be putting it through committee soon.”

The Prime Minister then invited questions pertaining to his birthday, of which there were none.

“Well, I’ll just tell you what I’ll be getting up to, then. This afternoon I’ll be going to the zoo to see the sun bears, because I like to see the sun bears,” he said. “And then I might get an ice cream. A goody goody gum drops. It’s a bit green but I like it.”

TVNZ deputy political editor Jessica Mutch attempted to interject.

“Prime Minister, with regards to the Fonterra – “

“I’m going to have to cut you off there, Jennifer,” said Key, waving his refill in the air.

“Right, where was I? Ah yes! Birthday. I thought in the afternoon I might go to a movie, because sometimes it’s nice to go to a movie by yourself. Bill thinks it’s a bit sad but I say if you want to go to a movie, you should just go.

“Would anyone like to guess what kind of cake I’m going to have? It’s chocolate!”

“I didn’t give you time to answer there but I’m very excited,” he added.

As the Prime Minister wrapped up his press conference, he couldn’t keep himself from smiling, for everything was right with the world.