fbpx

John Key resorts to making up coalition partners ahead of 2014 election

John Key is working long and frustrating hours in an attempt to invent new political parties that will help him win re-election in 2014.

John Key is working long and frustrating hours in an attempt to invent new political parties that will help him win re-election in 2014.

Prime Minister John Key has reportedly spent the last few weeks agonizing over a series of made up political parties that he hopes will help National form a coalition government in 2014.

Despite National’s continuing popularity in public opinion polling, the prospects of it retaining government after next year’s election have lowered recently as it struggles to find compatible coalition partners that would help it fend off a Labour-Green alliance in the House of Representatives.

Currently stuck with only single-MP coalition options – including ACT’s John Banks and United Future’s Peter Dunne – the party has been hoping for some time that more appealing partners would emerge. But that hasn’t happened, and sources close to the Prime Minister say he now feels that his hand has been forced.

This has led to a comprehensive plan to register new political parties that Key hopes will experience enough popularity give him several more seats in Parliament.

Amongst Key’s ideas for potential partners are The John Key Party, a party that would seek to capitalize on his own personal popularity, The Pizza Party, which he thought sounded fun, and the Fair Wage Party, which will pose as a union-centric left-leaning entity until it suddenly and inexplicably allies with National once the election is over.

Key has expressed fondness for all of these ideas, but is growing frustrated that none of them yet seem to be “the perfect fit.”

Sources report that Key has also attempted interviewing fresh political faces in an effort to find someone who could launch a more legitimate right-wing party, but got fed up with the process after Peter Dunne showed up wearing a fake moustache.