Len Brown tells Auckland he just wants to get on with having sex

Len Brown tells an audience at the Auckland Town Hall that while he might be ashamed of “some things,” he remains proud of the sex he’s had.

Len Brown tells an audience at the Auckland Town Hall that while he might be ashamed of “some things,” he remains proud of the sex he’s had.

At his official swearing-in ceremony yesterday, Auckland mayor Len Brown told an audience of councillors and other public officials that he was tired of the ongoing senseless chatter about Auckland’s city planning and infrastructure, and just wanted to get back to the important business of having sex.

As Brown entered the Auckland Town Hall to be sworn in, he was taunted with chants of “Shame!” and “You’ve brought disgrace to this city!” which he later told media were in relation to Housing New Zealand tenant evictions in Glenmore and Panmure.

“Look, when all this stuff came out, I fronted up and I came clean,” a frustrated Brown told media today. “I acknowledged that I had failed, I had crossed a line, and that I needed to take a good, hard look at myself and reassess.

“But we can’t keep talking about this forever. These [conversations about evictions and housing] are the sort of petty distractions we could do without.

“What I really want to do is put this sordid stuff behind me, and get back to the nitty gritty business of thrusting myself back and forth on top of women to achieve climax.”

Brown said he wouldn’t be timid in the face of difficult challenges, and that he would be sending a “strong message” to his wife that now was the time “for sex again, please.”

“Please,” he added, crying.

But there are still some, such as Whale Oil blogger Cameron Slater, who are refusing to let Brown re-establish his routine.

“We have a lot of serious, outstanding economic and infrastructural issues here in Auckland,” he said. “Brown needs to be forced to address those issues, and not get to go around all the time talking about this affair he had.”

Slater blamed the mainstream New Zealand media for “doing the mayor’s bidding,” and “deliberately making him look good” by repeatedly pointing out that he had sex.

Despite a recent lull in productivity, Brown says he’ll be back to work in earnest this week, and will tomorrow be holding an important meeting with “all the lady councillors” in the Ngati Whatua room.