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Media saved from end of bullshit news story by arrival of another

The news media was relieved this morning to find that John Key had said something slightly off message about Wellington.

The news media was relieved this morning to find that John Key had said something slightly off message about Wellington.

New Zealand’s media are breathing a sigh of relief this morning after a bullshit story with zero news value miraculously saved them from the end of another.

Journalists, who were beginning to fear that they might have to cover real news, were anxious after this morning’s press conference with disgraced MP Aaron Gilmore yielded an emotional apology that seemed to prevent the story from evolving any further.

“It was a terrible position to be in,” said Campbell Live field reporter Rebecca Wright. “We really thought we’d have to go back to covering substantive issues like the economy, or the other one. But then we heard what John Key said.”

Prime Minister John Key last week told a group of business leaders in Takapuna that Wellington was a “dying city” because too many businesses were moving to Auckland.

That comment, which has only entered the media spotlight today, proved the perfect successor to the Gilmore debacle, provided it was taken slightly out of context.

“The Wellington thing is a godsend,” said one unnamed journalist named David Fisher. “I enjoy it when politicians say inconsequential things that I can tweet about.”

“Hey Clint, was that alright?” he added. “Just a bit of humour there.”

Amongst the most excited by the Prime Minister’s Wellington comments were TV3 journalists Duncan Garner and Guyon Espiner, who have been eagerly scrambling to reorganize their monthly debate show, The Vote, which will now revolve around the question “Is Wellington dying?”

Prominent media commentator Russell Brown, host of TV3’s Media3, said that the proliferation of bullshit stories with no consequence was not unusual at this time of year, and suggested it might have something to do with the upcoming release of the government’s budget.

“I tell you this happens every May,” said Brown. “They know they’re going to have to cover the budget. They know how boring it’ll be, and all they want to do is numb the pain. You just have to let them get it out of their system.”