Following a series of depressing news events over the course of the last week, New Zealanders report that everyone is extremely angry at the moment, and absolutely no fun to hang around with at all.
“Everyone’s really mad this week,” said 21-year-old student David Lewis, looking over his shoulder in fear. “I told a female friend of mine she shouldn’t drink so much, ‘cause she was like, vomiting all over the place, and now no one will talk to me.”
Another student, 19-year-old Lisa Simmons, said a gathering of friends at her parents’ house took an ugly turn when her father said he understood the outrage surrounding now-suspended talk show hosts Willie Jackson and John Tamihere, but didn’t think a corporate boycott was necessary.
“Everything went really, really quiet,” said Simmons. “None of us really said much for the rest of the evening. Everyone left early, which was kind of a relief, I guess.”
27-year-old Rachel Bell said that none of her friends have been in anything resembling a good mood, and that while seeing them in person has been “alright,” communicating with them on social media is “a nightmare.”
“Do we really have to go around deliberately seeking out people who will enrage us so that we can act all shocked that they said things that we knew they’d say?” she asked. “Does every conversation I have with you have to be about how much people suck? Maybe I just want to talk to you about my day? Which, you know, apart from what’s happening in the news, was pretty good.”
The country’s social climate is said to be most awkward at the studios of talk radio station RadioLive, where employees are having trouble speaking to one another as they try to work out which of their workmates spoke to management in Jackson and Tamihere’s defence.
“Alex thinks it was me,” complained one anonymous employee, “but I think it was him and he’s just accusing others so that we won’t suspect it.”
Moving forward, the nation says it’s trying to find a healthy balance between making sure important issues stay in the national spotlight, while not becoming a bitter, hateful, pessimistic incarnation of its former self.
Those spoken to about the situation agree that stories about elderly people being helped by benevolent strangers would “probably help at this point.”