Nation starting to realise that nothing happens after winning World Cup

Ma’a Nonu and Jerome Kaino bring home a cup, which it turns we already have quite a few of, and it’s not even a very good one for drinking from.

Ma’a Nonu and Jerome Kaino bring home a cup, which it turns out we already have quite a few of, and it’s not even a very good one for drinking from.

As of this evening, New Zealanders are beginning to realise that nothing actually happens as a result of winning the Rugby World Cup.

After an exciting and excruciating month of watching the All Blacks play to win their second successive title, the nation is just now beginning to feel collectively confused at how nothing has actually changed.

“I was so nervous before the final match,” said avid rugby fan and all around bloke Brian Reid. “I got up early in the morning to watch all the boys’ games, and I just knew that if we won it would be something extraordinary.

“But when the final whistle blew and we did win, nothing happened. Nothing’s actually different. It’s all the same.”

“I hate my job,” he added.

Tamara Parata, who owns a small bakery on Auckland’s North Shore, was equally confused.

“After we won the first cup, nothing really changed,” she said, “other than the fact all our business dried up when the tourists left.

“But we’re not the only country to have won the World Cup, so obviously nothing’s going to happen, but this time it was back-to-back, you know? No one’s ever done that. I really thought something would happen.”

Parata said her belief that winning the World Cup would be fundamentally different to losing it was based largely on what she heard in the media.

“I just figured, why would they spend at least 25 minutes a day, five days a week covering something that wouldn’t change anything?”

Asked what she expected to happen, she replied “I don’t know. Gold for everyone?”

Other kiwis spoken to by media said they expected “rainbows,” general prosperity and “maybe dragons.”

A homeless man spoken to last week confirmed that his situation was also similar to before, and that he is, at this time, “still homeless.”

While for many, nothing has changed, some report that things are “even worse.” Journalists, who spent the last week copy-pasting Sonny Bill Williams’ Twitter page, are now struggling to readjust to the amount of effort required to write actual news.