National proposes legislation to Saturdayise Mondays

What day is Father's Day? Never

What day is Father’s Day? Never

As a bill authored by Labour MP David Clark to “Mondayise” all national holidays makes its way through parliament, the National Government is responding with a counter-proposal to Saturdayise all Mondays.

Clark’s bill, which would mandate all national holidays take place on the nearest Monday to ensure that employees get a day off, passed its second reading in parliament last night, despite being opposed by both the National and Act parties. This thanks to United Future’s Peter Dunne, who broke ranks with the government to support the bill.

The government has opposed the measure because it believes it will cost businesses money and damage the sanctity of meaningful holidays. But the bill looks set to pass its third and final reading, and instead of fighting it, National has decided to push its own counter-legislation to help alleviate the strain on employers.

The government bill, which contains a clause explicitly forbidding Peter Dunne from voting against it, is titled the Saturdayise All Mondays Now Act Bill 2013 and would mandate that all Mondays take place on the nearest Saturday. This would effectively replace all Saturdays with Mondays.

John Key spoke to reporters about the bill early this afternoon. “Yeah, well, look, I think most New Zealanders would agree that this is a fairly common sense piece of legislation” said the Prime Minister. “It can sometimes be quite frustrating for businesses when their Monday work days don’t fall on a Saturday, so we’re just making sure that happens a bit more often.”

When asked what day would come after the new Mondays, Key replied “Tuesdays. Obviously.”

In parliament today, Labour Minister Simon Bridges was asked whether Key’s answer meant there would be no more Sundays. “That’s just complete nonsense” said Bridges. “Nowhere in the Saturdayise All Mondays Now Act Bill 2013 is there any mention of Sundays.” He went on to explain how the bill was good for unions, as it meant workers would no longer have to work on Saturdays.

As a result of the new five day week, the government hopes to see a drastic increase in the nation’s life expectancy.