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Opinion: I can’t fathom why you’d want to go to my concert

By Beyoncé Knowles

By Beyoncé Knowles

Hi New Zealand.

I’m excited and flattered by the response I’ve received for my Auckland concerts. It’s been so huge I’ve had to add a fourth. I’m looking forward to coming and sharing a great show with you.

But you don’t need to come.

The fourth show is going to be exactly the same as all the others. If you didn’t get a chance to go to the first show, just ask someone who did. They’ll tell you what happened. Which is going to be this: dance around, dodge pyrotechnics, sing songs – only some of which you want to hear – and tell the audience how good it was to be in Auckland (or maybe Sydney; sometimes I get the wrong city).

You can always lie to people later and say you went yourself. They won’t know the difference.

Just go to a bar instead.

If you have my albums, I’m not going to sing anything you haven’t heard me sing before. My albums are widely available. You can buy all of them for less than the price of a ticket, and then you can listen to them whenever you like, wherever you like, without having to worry about people in front of you blocking whatever it is you think you’re trying to see.

Maybe you could rent a DVD.

You don’t need to come. If you think you’ll be getting a personal connection, you won’t be. To me, the audience is just a very big, murmuring blur which I can barely see through the stage lights. I imagine it’s the same as standing hungover on a busy street on a bright Sunday morning. I can’t be sure, though, as I’m Beyoncé, and I don’t stand on streets or get hungover.

There has to be something happening at the local theatre company, surely.

$200 is a lot of money. You already know what I look like. If you don’t, here’s what you should do: turn on your computer, open up Google, search for “Beyoncé!”, and you’ll get a much closer look at me than you will when I’m on stage.

Have you spent enough time with your family lately?

Physical and emotional distance can be harmful to the development or maintenance of any family, and spending time with your partner and children is important for the long-term happiness of all involved. Home life can be stressful and difficult, and sometimes we choose to seek refuge in simple pleasures and hobbies to evade our social responsibilities. While this feels good in the moment, it needs to be balanced by positive interactions with people in our social sphere, including partners, children, family and friends.

Maybe instead of going to a concert, you should do a jigsaw with your kids. It might not seem like much, but it could have enormous consequences for their personal and mental development.

If you want to learn more about how you can make a positive change in your home life, I encourage you to order my new book, Beyon-sáys: Knowles Knows, an in-depth guide to building crystals and finding your inner chakra.

If you order today, you can have all this and the accompanying audio-book for just fifteen easy payments of $39.99.