Opinion: I, too, am a human. Look at my failure. It is like your failure.

By Prime Minister Bill English.

Hello fellow humans.

Thank you for reading my thoughts on your electronic interface. It is a pleasure to be divulging them to you.

While I have been very busy running our country of fellow human beings like me, I have also been taking what the kids call some “time out” to do regular things like you do.

I have cooked for my family. Look at it.

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Look at my failure. It is like your failure.

That is not the way pizza is supposed to be. It is not even the way homemade pizza is supposed to be. I am extremely rich, and yet this is the best I can do. I have failed. Like you fail every day. You are all failures.

See that I am relatable. I am like you, in my inability to perform basic tasks or satisfy my family or those I love.

I have burned the pizza. Look at it.

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Look at that burned pizza that would not taste good even were it not burned but now it tastes even worse. I am like you.

Yesterday I went to the dairy. It was not necessary but I am like you. I bought a pack of lollies that was not on the list of things I had to purchase which contained only milk.

This was contrary to my programming. I mean my wife. I mean my instruction manual. I mean my wife’s instructions.

Look at my confused words. They are like your confused words when you are caught in a lie by your boss or speak to a person you are scouting for sexual activity.

I have been there before because I have experienced the things that you have experienced, and continue to.

Look at that burned pizza. It is not the right shape. The toppings at the bottom have breached the walls of the base. It is like you. I am like you.

I enjoy motion pictures and television shows. I have seen them. The book versions were better. I know that is how you feel, as well, because I, like you, have definitely read them.

This year, when you vote, think “Who is like me?”

Is it Andrew Little, who is currently a defendant in court? Or is it me, who put one canned dish of Italian origin on another dish of Italian origin plus pineapple?

Hopefully for your sake, it is I, yes, me, who is like you.

Look at it.