Other News

What’s this bird? Who knows? What did it ever do for you?

National will offer family tax breaks to native birds at risk of extinction

The National Government has swiftly announced a plan to tackle the desperate situation of New Zealand’s native birds, after a scathing report from the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment found that 80% of such species were in trouble, with many headed for extinction. The native moa was famously hunted to […]

Who would’ve thought Middle East peace could be so complicated?

Trump Middle East peace plan derailed after discovering Israel already has a wall

An announcement about President Donald Trump’s Middle East peace proposal has been indefinitely postponed after he discovered that Israel already has a wall. The proposal, which the President himself purportedly spent all of yesterday writing, was one page long, size 72 font, and read, in full: WALL. According to aides […]

The Government is demanding an explanation from Team New Zealand after investing money into what appears to be 1990s Sedan.

Uh oh! Team NZ setback: What they’ve built isn’t even a boat

Well this is embarrassing. Emirates Team New Zealand have had to acknowledge a massive setback today, as it’s revealed the watercraft they’ve built for this year’s America’s cup isn’t even actually a boat. With just a week to go until the start of the competition, this sure looks like a […]

National election ad where Bill English defeats Andrew Little in climactic rap battle ‘just a massive coincidence’

National election ad where Bill English defeats Andrew Little in climactic rap battle ‘just a massive coincidence’

A National Party web advertisement that depicts Prime Minister Bill English as he grows up in a caravan with his single mother and eventually defeats Labour leader Andrew Little in a climactic rap battle that puts him on the path to fame is being defended as “merely a coincidence” by […]

Infected users are beginning to panic this evening as English appears unwilling to disclose exactly what is in the pizza, or where the uphill bits are.

Ransomware virus will only unlock users’ computers if Bill English hands over secret family pizza recipe

Many of the nation’s businesses are at a standstill this evening as a ransomware virus that locks users out of their computers rapidly spreads across the country. The virus, named WannaPiece, encrypts users’ files so they can’t be accessed, and threatens not to decrypt them unless Prime Minister Bill English […]

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

Five things you didn’t know about bananas because they aren’t true

The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know! We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta. Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better. […]