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The former leader fears yes.

Did Andrew Little entertain hundreds of kids’ stupid bullshit for nothing?

Former Labour leader but still a massive fixture in our election coverage for budgeting and scheduling reasons Andrew Little, has opened up about his resignation today, saying he’s primarily concerned that he may have entertained the “trivial bullshit” of hundreds of children for absolutely nothing. Asked what his biggest regret […]

A Gareth Morgan is a sort of polite harbinger of death that many believe heralds the end times.

Gareth Morgan promises a TOP coalition would raise Jacinda Ardern’s kids for her

In a bold campaign move this evening, Gareth Morgan has offered a helping hand to Jacinda Ardern, saying he’ll settle the question of her having children while Prime Minister once and for all. The Opportunities Party leader says that any Labour-led coalition that includes his party will benefit from Morgan […]

The moon – also known as the big cheese – is like a second Earth but with nothing on it.

How is Labour going to get this Andrew Little advertisement off the surface of the moon in time for election day?

Jacinda Ardern’s rise to the Labour leadership yesterday was widely perceived as necessary within the party, but changing leaders less than two months out from an election can come with it some unusual consequences and major headaches. Not least of all: what Labour is going to do about the enormous […]

We paid someone $780 for this.

Introducing The Civilian’s Election Special: How Will You Vote Will You Vote At All Will You Even Consider Voting for Gareth You Probably Shouldn’t – Part One

After three years of being forced to go about our regular lives, the election is finally here. And boy, what a start. Yes, you all know what we’re talking about: Bill English reminiscing about his English literature degree in Wellington tonight was a real hit with the voters. Is that […]

Children were left in tears and parents baffled as nobody from Emirates Team New Zealand played Santa in the victory parade.

Peter Burling ruined parade by refusing to dress as Santa, say parents

Yesterday’s America’s Cup parade in Auckland is drawing intense scrutiny today, as parents who attended say it was “completely ruined” by Helmsman Peter Burling’s refusal to dress as Santa Claus. “Disgraceful, really,” said Dylan Greysome, who weathered the wind and rain to bring his children to the parade. “Honestly put […]

"It's a useless cup and I wanted to get rid of the bloody thing" – something something

Spithill reveals Cup is useless; was just trying to get rid of it the whole time

Oracle Team USA skipper Jimmy Spithill has blamed his team’s America’s Cup loss on not wanting to win. “It’s a useless cup and I wanted to get rid of the bloody thing,” he told media today, breaking his silence for the first time since the initial post-match press conference. “The […]