Other News

I am honored to serve as the new Attorney General until such time as I, too, am fired

I am honored to serve as the new Attorney General until such time as I, too, am fired

Today, I was asked by President Donald Trump to serve as the acting Attorney General of the United States of America. I am deeply honored by this opportunity to serve Mr. Trump and in some capacity the American people, for as many hours as I can without also being fired. […]

English also declined to commit to a favourite colour, though emphasised he certainly does like colours, and would continue to use them.

English: up to ‘others to decide’ whether ethnic cleansing is wrong, but ‘certainly not the direction we plan to take’

Apparently Prime Minister Now Bill English has offered a strong rebuke of the notion of ethnic cleansing today, saying that while he could not himself weigh in on whether or not it would be wrong or even racist, his Government certainly “disagrees with it” and it “won’t be the direction […]

PICTURED: President Trump signs an executive order he says is “some piece of paper or something.”

Donald Trump sure hopes someone is reading these things he’s signing

In an exclusive and wide-ranging interview with ABC’s David Muir, President Donald Trump has said he “certainly hopes” at least somebody is reading the countless executive orders he’s signing every day. “Well, yeah,” he said, nodding, when asked whether anyone was reading the orders. “I hope so. I do hope […]

By Peter Thiel

Opinion: They’re saying I shouldn’t have citizenship but I’ve been here for at least several days

This is ridiculous. Ever since everyone found out that I have New Zealand citizenship, they’re acting like I don’t deserve it. They’re acting like I got it just because I was rich. Let me tell you: I’ve been in New Zealand for a long time, for maybe even four days, […]

EXCLUSIVE: Five things that might not have happened on Richie McCaw’s honeymoon but are certainly physically possible

EXCLUSIVE: Five things that might not have happened on Richie McCaw’s honeymoon but are certainly physically possible

Over the weekend, New Zealand’s favourite ball-handler Richie McCaw celebrated his honeymoon with his now-wife Gemma McCaw, who conspicuously has the same last name. The McCaws rudely didn’t allow media access to their private honeymoon, so we don’t actually know what happened, or just how sweaty Richie’s wonderful thighs became. […]

MetService says the forecast is based on “current trends”

At the current rate, MetService says it will ‘never rain again,’ and ‘we will all die’

New Zealand’s national meteorological service has extrapolated its data from the last 24 hours to determine that – at the current rate – it will never rain again, our nation’s farms will be devastated, and we will all die due to lack of water. The news comes after a bomb […]