Other News

President Obama reportedly “especially enjoyed” the bit where Dunne had to explain his behaviour to the Prime Minister.

President Obama listening to Peter Dunne’s phone conversations with amusement

Sources report that United States President Barack Obama has spent the last week secretly listening to the phone conversations of former Revenue Minister Peter Dunne with “great amusement,” and has told aides that he has particularly enjoyed Dunne’s slow mental decline from denial to desperation. Obama, who has been listening […]

Peter Dunne says he will be resigning as a minister, because he has “failed [his] own personal test” of not appearing to have killed someone.

Peter Dunne suddenly wakes up in pool of blood at press conference

Revenue Minister Peter Dunne has suddenly woken up this afternoon in a pool of blood at the Beehive, surrounded by microphones and reporters. Dunne told waiting media that he had “no idea” what was happening, and that he “can’t possibly rationalise” the events of the last few days. As he […]

Here you will find important information on how to become a member of The Civilian Party.

Editorial: Why we’re registering a political party

To help us reach our goal of 500 members so that we can become officially registered as a political party, click here. Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa. My name is Ben Uffindell, and for those of you who read the Marlborough Express, the above paragraph means “hello” in […]

Mayor Julie Hardaker has reassured Hamiltonians that “nothing could possibly go wrong” with the addition of Powerade to the water supply.

Hamilton to replace fluoride with Powerade

The Hamilton City Council has resolved to replace the fluoride in its water supply with the blue “Mountain Blast” variety of sports drink Powerade. “This is the start of a more energetic Hamilton,” said Mayor Julie Hardaker this morning, before awkwardly raising one fist in the air. Hardaker said that […]

Smalley says the question to Mr. Brownlee was appropriate, “given the circumstances.”

Rachel Smalley in hot water after asking Gerry Brownlee whether he’s a cunt

TV3 Presenter and host of The Nation Rachel Smalley has been called on to apologise over a weeks-old interview in which she asked Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee whether he was a “horrible cunt.” “Uh… No,” said Brownlee at the time. “I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say that.” […]

Imagination Television, which produces New Zealand’s Got Talent, has decided that the show’s title risks being seen as dishonest.

New Zealand’s Got Talent to add question mark to title

TVNZ has announced that the upcoming third instalment of its New Zealand’s Got Talent show will undergo a title change in an attempt to make it seem less presumptuous. The programme, which will air on TV One for the second time later this year, will change its name to New […]