Petrol companies promise prices will come back down once peace is restored to the Middle East

BP, Z and Mobil all insist that petrol price hikes are temporary, "in a very literal sense."

BP, Z and Mobil all insist that petrol price hikes are temporary, “in a very literal sense.”

The nation’s major petrol providers are trying to allay customer fears over prices, promising that they’ll move to lower them again “immediately” when the Middle East is returned to its formerly peaceful state.

Prices were raised by companies nationwide this week to the tune of about 6 cents, after a major attack on a Saudi Arabian oil field.

BP initially raised its prices by 74c on Tuesday, but was forced to scale that back to 6c after its competitors didn’t follow suit.

“It was worth it shot,” said BP spokesperson Leigh Taylor.

While BP, Z Energy and Mobil describe the current situation as temporary, many customers fear that prices won’t go back down, even when the problem in Saudi Arabia comes to an end.

Z Energy CEO Mike Bennetts said those concerns were unfounded.

“What we can assure customers is that prices will fall, and fall dramatically, the moment that this violence in the Middle Eastern region of the world comes to an end,” he said. “We’re monitoring the situation very closely.”

Asked what the situation presently was, Bennetts said “money.”

“Just, lots of money really,” he added.

“And war.”

Taylor agreed with Bennetts, saying that companies were jointly committed to bringing prices back down as soon as “Saudi Arabia gets a handle on this whole thing.”

Asked to clarify what he meant by “whole thing”, he circled a large area of Africa, Europe and Asia on a map with his finger.

“This whole area here,” he said.

On a positive note, Taylor said there were some kinds of oil being sold at BP stations that were “still pretty cheap,” such as canola, and that a two-state solution, long-term denuclearization, democracy in Iran, the elimination of terrorism, enfranchisement for women, peace in Syria and withdrawal of colonial powers was just “one scenario” that could reduce petrol prices.

Other scenarios where petrol might come down included the elimination of tax, economic catastrophe, the end of all roads, and the inevitable conclusion of life as we know it.

Prices would only drop, however, if these events did not coincide with a discount day.