Police will have to wear silly Buckingham Palace hats from now on, says Police Minister

Those close to the Police Minister believe the initiative may be the result of Nash "seeing a great deal" on AliExpress.

Those close to the Police Minister believe the initiative may be the result of Nash “seeing a great deal” on AliExpress.

In a move that comes seemingly out of nowhere, Police Minister Stuart Nash announced this afternoon that he expects all frontline staff to don bearskin hats, famously worn by The Queen’s Guard at Buckingham Palace.

Nash, well-known for being named Nash, made the announcement to media in Parliament’s foyer, who had assembled to hear Minister of Housing Minister Responsible for Civil Aviation Minister of Things Phil Twyford explain his weekend plans, which consisted mostly of approaching customers at his local Bunnings Warehouse and asking if they wanted to build some houses “to teach everyone a lesson.”

Nash, himself wearing a bearskin hat, interrupted Twyford, flashing his yet-to-be-trademarked grin at reporters in anticipation.

After several seconds of increasingly uncomfortable silence, Nash requested the reporters to identify “what’s different about [him].”

He explained the hat is the property of one of his Parliamentary staffers, who recently returned from a London holiday.

“And when I saw it, I said, ‘Nash, Nash my boy, there’s an idea there.’”

“What does London have that we don’t?” Nash asked the media.

After fielding several minutes of things that London has that New Zealand doesn’t, an increasingly impatient Nash snapped “Police with silly hats! Those big silly hats!”

“They make those guards very popular, and I think if our frontline teams had them, they’d be very popular, too.”

The Minister said it was “not up for debate” whether the change was happening, and it was already being implemented.


A trial run of the new hats in Wellington has gone poorly. A policewoman crashed her vehicle after the hat fell over her eyes and obstructed her vision, while a suspect in Karori was able to escape after chasing police lost their hats forward and tripped over them.

Police are reporting having trouble running with the hats, driving with the hats, putting on the hats, walking with the hats, and even balancing the hat while standing still.

“We are unable to do our jobs,” said one joyless spoil-sport.

Police Commissioner Mike Bush has so far not been able to address the change, as the Minister has forbidden him from speaking to media without the hat.

Nash was not concerned that officers had trouble seeing or hearing with the hats on, as they “still have another three senses” to detect crime with.