Following the revelation that creator of the Internet Party Kim Dotcom owns a rare signed copy of Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf, politicians around the country are desperately scrambling to dispose of their own signed copies of the infamous book, in hopes that no one will ever find them.
Parliamentary cleaners have reported this afternoon a “bizarre increase” in the number of signed copies of Hitler’s magnum opus in bins in and around the Beehive and adjacent buildings.
“Normally we’d only see two or three signed copies of Mein Kampf thrown out here on the average week,” said minimum-wage cleaner and Green Party list MP Eugenie Sage. “Just today, we’ve turned up somewhere between 20 and 25, and that’s only the ones we’ve found.”
Unconfirmed reports suggest “several” valuable copies of Mein Kampf were seen being thrown from Beehive windows early this afternoon, but passers-by said it was “unclear” exactly what level of the building they came from.
“I was just walking past the Beehive on my way to work,” said Parliamentary staffer Fred Collins, “and this book just falls right next to me, and sort of, breaks in two. So I picked it up and I said to myself, ‘Gosh, it’s Mein Kampf.’
“And then another one came down, and another. A woman just a few metres from me was hit by one, and she died.”
Collins said he “couldn’t imagine” owning a book that kills people.
“Entschuldigen Sie, Sir, aber ich brauche Ihre Hilfe,” said one German tourist, who also witnessed the incident. “Mein Sohn fehlt, und ich kann ihn nicht finden. Ich bin sehr besorgt. Bitte, können Sie mir helfen?”
Others say they saw Deputy Prime Minister Bill English quietly loading a number of books into a black van on Bowen Street, though sources close to the situation suggest they may just have been Dan Brown novels.
A spokesperson for the Labour Party said this afternoon that a press release it issued earlier today that claimed leader David Cunliffe “does own a copy of Mein Kampf signed by Hitler” and “consults it daily,” was “an error.”
Prime Minister John Key is out of the country at the moment, but his office said he would inquire as to how many signed copies of Mein Kampf he owned when he arrived back in New Zealand.
As of this hour, the only MP willing to openly admit the ownership of Mein Kampf has been Minister of Justice Judith Collins, who told media today she finds the book “refreshing” and “instructive.”