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Queen disappointed after receiving toaster for birthday

Queen Elizabeth II has said that if she can’t get what she wants for her birthday, she “might as well just die already.”

Queen Elizabeth II has said that if she can’t get what she wants for her birthday, she “might as well just die already.”

Queen Elizabeth II of England is reportedly feeling immense disappointment today after receiving only a toaster for her birthday yesterday.

The toaster, which was purchased by her husband Prince Phillip, was on sale for £20 at Harrods Department Store, is stainless steel white and toasts two pieces of bread simultaneously.

Witnesses say the Queen appeared unimpressed by the gift, saying of it “Oh.”

This would indicate a significant downturn from her mood last week, when confidantes say she was “very excited” about her birthday and had been “looking forward to it all week.”

“She was really hoping for a puppy or one of those new Lego playsets,” said one aide, who wished to remain anonymous. “She had a spring in her step and a sparkle in her eye. We all couldn’t help but feel she was being a bit optimistic.”

Aides say Elizabeth was heard having a heated altercation with Phillip late last night, in which she told him she would rather he bought her the new My Little Pony royal wedding castle.

“Why do you want that shit!?” yelled Phillip. “You’d get bored with it after five minutes!”

The Queen interjected that she already had a toaster.

“This one is better!” he screamed.

The Queen reportedly feels that this birthday is “even worse” than her 27th birthday, when she received England.