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Queen summons knights to go on quest for Holy Grail

Sirs Graham Henry, Peter Jackson, Ian McKellen and Alex Ferguson are just four of the countless knights to answer the Queen’s call.

Sirs Graham Henry, Peter Jackson, Ian McKellen and Alex Ferguson are just four of the countless knights to answer the Queen’s call.

Queen Elizabeth II of Britain has summoned her entire order of knights to Buckingham Palace in England this week, to assign them the task of going on a quest to find the ancient relic known as the Holy Grail.

The Holy Grail – while taking many different forms in various modern literature – is generally believed to be a legendary golden chalice present at the last supper of Jesus Christ.

The Queen, who convened a secret meeting of her knights on the subject, reportedly wants the grail before the birth of her great grandchild to Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge, which is expected sometime next month.

Elizabeth told her knights that she wants her grandchild to sip its first drink from the cup of Jesus, so that it might be “imbued with divine strength” that will allow it to “defeat the dragons once and for all.”

A number of prominent knights from around the world answered the Queen’s call, including Sirs Peter Jackson, Graham Henry, Alex Ferguson and Ian McKellen, two of whom had to endure an epic 24-hour journey via sky cart to the land of kings.

“I have gathered you here today to fulfill a task that concerns the protection of our realm,” said the Queen. “You are to travel henceforth from this land and retrieve a divine relic long lost to our people: the Holy Grail.”

“Where is it?” asked Graham Henry.

His question was met with laughter, applause and the clanging of flagons.

After several hours’ planning, the knights determined that they would first head for Jerusalem, which they have heard “has something to do with Jesus,” and has “some pretty old stuff.”

Before their departure, the Queen provided the company with horses, a small inflatable raft, and several Dan Brown novels. She also gave them a full bottle of methylated spirits, telling them “When the time comes, you’ll know what to do with this.”

The knights were told that they were to remain celibate for the duration of their quest, and that they may not return until they have found the grail.

Since their departure, witnesses say they have grown restless, and become increasingly frustrated with Sir Ian McKellen, who has had to repeatedly remind his companions that he is not, in fact, a real wizard.

The company was last seen traveling through western Canada, after Sir Peter Jackson insisted they take the unnecessarily long scenic route.