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Queenstown locals promise violent retaliation after being named only fourth friendliest city in the world

Queenstown residents are hungry for revenge today after an international survey found that the tourist town was only the fourth friendliest on the planet.

Queenstown residents are hungry for revenge today after an international survey found that the tourist town was only the fourth friendliest on the planet.

Queenstown locals have taken issue with an international survey that suggests there are three friendlier cities in the world, with one local councillor threatening to “tear the still-beating heart from the editor’s treasonous chest cavity, piss on it, then barbeque it on the ruined corpses of the good-for-nothing voters responsible for this injustice.”

The survey, conducted by travel magazine Condé Nast Traveler, canvassed over 46,000 readers on their favoured world destinations and was used as the basis for lists of the friendliest and unfriendliest cities in the world.

Thimbu, Bhutan; Hobart, Australia; and Florianopolis, Brazil were all found to be friendlier than Queenstown.

Reaction from Queenstown tourist operators was swift and angry, with the town’s central business district – deemed “tranquil and peaceful” by Traveler – full of burning cars and smashed windows by late morning.

“We’re going to fuck some shit up,” promised May Little, owner of May’s Farmstyle Bed and Breakfast Homestay, while hurling a rubbish bin through a Starbucks window.

“I baked muffins for them! Muffins! And not just from the cheap mix in the boxes. I used a Jamie Oliver cookbook! Jamie Oliver! You think those things are cheap? I had to buy it from The Warehouse at full price!”

“Ingrates!” she screamed, before furiously slashing the tires of a nearby Range Rover. “Florianopolis doesn’t even sound like a real place!”

Hans Berger, a backpacker from Austria, said that he found the town sufficiently friendly this morning, but admitted that his opinion may have been skewed as he had just arrived from Gore.

Christchurch and Auckland also made it on to the list of friendliest cities, but Christchurch mayor Bob Parker said his city’s inclusion must have been a mistake, as he could not recall the last time anyone had said anything friendly to him.