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Second coming of hipster messiah David Farrier may be soon, believe hipsters

David Farrier has not been to Cuba Street Mall for nearly a decade, but followers believe it’s only a matter of time.

David Farrier has not been to Cuba Street Mall for nearly a decade, but followers believe it’s only a matter of time.

The one true prophet and messiah of hipsterdom, 3 News Entertainment Reporter David Farrier, may soon return to the planet Earth, from what many hipsters believe to have been a “funky journey through space.”

Farrier, who hipsters believe is the son of the Hipster God, sent to our planet to report on oft-times geeky topics in a cool, new-age and non-geeky way, was last seen by the hipster faithful in 2005 at the holiest site in all hipsterdom: the Cuba Street Mall, in Wellington.

It was here that he gave his one and only fair trade coffee to a small boy so that he might be forgiven for his corporate-enabling sins.

Since then, Farrier has been communicating spiritual messages to hipsters from afar, on 3 News and Twitter, while also travelling beyond our planet through space-time collecting retro trends to bring back in a big way.

But hipsters believe that one day, in a time of great turmoil, Farrier will reappear in Cuba Street Mall, on the great Day of Judgement, which legend has it will be more judgemental than even regular hipster conversation.

Hipster teachings hold that no hipster will know the day or the hour of Farrier’s return – mostly because they will be high and have a poor sense of time – but some believe that it is likely to be soon.

“They say that Farrier will come back when the planet is on the brink of destruction, both economically and in terms of fashion,” said one Wellington hipster who would identify himself only as ‘Marko.’

“I think, if you look around you, you’d have to say that day will be soon. We’ve had a corporate, financially-oriented Prime Minister for nine years now – or it will be nine years – and weed is still illegal, and it’s getting even more illegal.

“I mean, no one’s saying it yet, but you see it on all of our faces in the vinyl stores, you know? When we pray to Farrier standing up because we don’t want to scuff our bright yellow jeans, we do start to wonder: ‘Are you coming back soon? Because it’s not getting any better. It’s actually getting worse.’

“And you wonder: is it even worse than we think? Is our fair trade coffee even fair trade anymore? What if it’s just regular coffee in a different cup? Sometimes I feel like I can taste the corporate greed, but then I figure, it’s probably just in the air. How it got into Starbucks, though, I don’t know.”

Marko was not alone in his ideas, with many hipsters surveyed across Wellington also believing that Farrier would return to Cuba Street “within 2 to 5 years.”

Many hipsters believed that Farrier’s pet parrot and best friend, Keith, had been sending cryptic messages with his wings that foretold the imminent second-coming.

When Farrier returns to the mortal world, it is believed he will challenge and once-and-for-all defeat the Hipster Satan, David Farrar.