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Starved tigers and bears to be introduced to New Zealand as bio-control measure against humans

Biosecurity experts say humans are naturally susceptible to repeated maulings.

Biosecurity experts say humans are naturally susceptible to repeated maulings.

The Ministry for Primary Industries is seeking approval this week to introduce starved and angry tigers and bears to New Zealand’s ecosystem as a bio-control measure to curb the increasingly problematic human population.

MPI says the biosecurity threat caused by humans has become “alarming” in recent years, but that a solution to the problem need not be complicated.

It has applied to the Environmental Protection Agency to import some of the most violent and aggressive species of bear and tiger from around the world, and release them into populous urban centres.

Police and other authorities will be instructed not to interfere with the animals while they are feeding or otherwise engaging in “pre-emptive self-defence.”

“Our plan obviously isn’t to eradicate the human population,” said one MPI spokesperson. “We just want to control it, and keep it to a more manageable number.”

Human beings are a bipedal species of primate that have caused untold damage to New Zealand for last several hundred years, but are highly susceptible to savage and repeat maulings.

Tigers and bears aren’t the only biosecurity option available to reduce New Zealand’s human population. If MPI is denied the authority to import bears and tigers, its back-up plan is to instead seek to introduce other, different kinds of humans.